Back to Work

I have been back to work since July last year, but this time it really feels “back to work”, because it is finally full time work.

It’s been a bit over three weeks since I started working a 9-5 job, though it is a short term for only two months (thank goodness!) I am doing an assessment on GBV with the same agency, with which I worked two years ago. This time it is in the southern part of the country. I know the colleagues well, and it is nice to be working with them again.

I was not sure if I was ready to take on a full time work, but since I was interested in the work, I decided to do it. M.FR also encouraged me to do it and said it might be healthy for some separation from TR. Especially, this position requires at least a couple of week on a field mission, and I was feeling quite nervous about it. I never spent a night away from my son. 

For the most part, I am enjoying the work though I feel tired. I realized I missed working as a team. I feel productive and happy to use my skills. I spend more quality time with TR rather than quantity.

I wish the workday was a bit shorter. 6 hours will be perfect rather than 8 hours, and I can spend more time at home. TR started waking up at night, maybe because of the change in the life. I realized that I am not ready for a position with heavy responsibilities. I thought I wanted a more substantial role (one level higher than what I was doing before.) When I see others having such positions, I am not at all envious. I rather have relatively stress free job and just enjoy the work. This is a good test to see how I feel about working, which is useful for my professional plan for the next few years.

We have a full time nanny now who is with us 8 to 6. The routine is: I get up 6:45, take a shower before TR wakes up at 7. When he is up, we go downstairs and play in his day room for one hour while I get ready (drying my hair, make up etc.) We start breakfast just before 8, and I am out of the door at 8:30. I am back from work at 5:30. Play for one hour, sometimes take a walk outside. I prepare his dinner around 6, feed him, bathe him (normally M.FR is doing all this with me.) TR is ready for bed around 7:15 starting with a bed-time story by M.FR while I cook dinner for two of us.      

I am going on mission this week for a week. I am very anxious but also curious how M.FR and TR will manage the week, just two of them.

ほぼ１年振りのフルタイムの仕事！産休に入る前の３月以来です。次の仕事に関して、今までよりは一つ上のレベルに、って多少拘っていたんだけど、今回フルで働いてみて色々分かった。レベルは今のままでも、仕事内容が面白ければ、ストレスが少ない方が今の生活に合ってる。ちょっと偉くなっても、無理して大変な仕事なんてする必要はない。少しは野心を持った方が良いのかもしれないけど、ジェンダーの仕事さえできれば、レベルなんてどうでも良い事。もちろん、頑張って、自分を試してみたい気持ちはあるけど、今はTR君の成長を見守ることを優先させたいし、数年してからでも遅くない。こんな感じで３週間考えていた。また気が変わるかもしれないけれどね。