Last day at work

I finished working on Friday! The last six and a half month went by so quickly. I had positive work experience with this programme, having a very nice colleagues. I worked hard but with almost zero stress, and this was perfect given my condition.

I had a feedback meeting with my supervisor, who now became a friend. She asked me about my thoughts on how to improve the management of the project and even her own strengths and weaknesses. We had a very frank discussion. She also gave me her evaluation on my performance, and she told me that she was very happy and I did well. I was so pleased to hear that I contributed well to the team, and she thought my management and technical skills were great. She encouraged me to pursue this area of work (prevention of violence against women and girls.) This is an emerging area in the gender based violence field where response (services to victims/clients) dominates for obvious reasons. However, with this scale of problem, prevention also becomes the key, as we learn more about why men commit violence.

As I enter a new phase of life, I need to think over my career. I am now going to take probably six months off. I have no idea how I feel about going back to work, whether I feel wanting to stay as much as possible with the child or eager to get back as soon as possible. Now, I need to balance work and family life, which I never had to think about before. Besides, it is not always easy to have the best choice work depending on how we prioritize my career or my partner's. I am OK to let M.FR's work to dictate where we live etc for now. Even though I came along with him to YGN, I feel that I got a great opportunity and most out of being there. In this sense, I made no compromise in the last year and a half with the two jobs that I held. I could probably keep taking consultancies for a while, but eventually I would like to have a more substantial position with more responsibility. I am considering taking a few online courses to enhance certain skills in coming months (if compatible with the baby..!)

Let's see! We go with the flow. We have enough things packed this year with the baby and the wedding. We are not quite sure re. what is happening with M.FR job after a month or so. We may be both taking a self funded parental leave (a.k.a. en chomage) until we figure out our next steps.

Now anxiously waiting to see when the little guy decides to come out and meet us.....    

妊婦単身赴任 Almost the end of my solo maternity life

３７週目突入で、快適妊婦単身赴任生活もほぼおしまい。木曜日にFR氏がこちらに合流してくれて、これからは二人、そして三人になる。最近はそれまではお腹にいてねって、毎日お願いしている。

結局、仕事の契約も延ばして、６ヶ月少し働いた。妊娠が分かって、すぐにオファーがきた仕事で、最初は不安定な時期に単身赴任になるのは迷ったけど、受けて良かった。タイミング的に、こちらの医療機関に健診に行けたし、ここで出産するので、街にも慣れる事ができた。これからは半年程は休むつもりなので、仕事のブランクも短くなるし、出産と育児資金も溜められたしね。

小さいチームのプロジェクトだったので、私は専門的なことから、雑用まで何でもやり、ストレスもほとんどなく、楽しく仕事をさせてもらえた。何より上司がすごく良い人で、この数ヶ月で仲良くなって、これからも友達でいられるような関係を築けた。今までは女性に対する暴力の被害者支援を中心にやってきて、今回は防止という実はまだあまり進んでいない分野を勉強することができたのも良かった。仕事に戻れるようになったらこの経験を活かしたいと思う。

マタニティー生活は快適で、一人なのに一人じゃないって感覚がとても新鮮で、たまに不安になる時もあったけど、幸せな気分だった。自分は楽天的というか、あまり何も考えてないような気もするけど！日々変化して行く自分の体が、興味深くて、お腹で赤ちゃんが育つことが本当に神秘だと思うし、こんな素晴らしい経験ができたことだけでも有り難いと思う。

FR氏も普段は素っ気ないタイプだけど、妊娠してからは、毎日電話してきてくれて優しいし、いつまでも妊娠していたいくらい！

これでもう正規産の期間に入ったので、いつ陣痛が始まるのかと思うとドキドキする。未知の経験に武者震いするような気持ちと、赤ちゃんに会えるのが楽しみなのと、激変する生活に、私達二人が付いて行けるのかの不安が混じった複雑な心境。兎に角、元気で産まれてきてくれますように（木曜日以降に！！）。

Baby Shower

American cultural experience even though I live in BKK.

A friend of mine (American) offered to organize a baby shower for me. I didn't really feel comfortable for being a centre of attention and creating an occasion for gift giving, so we settled for Japanese dumplings (gyoza) making party where I teach other guests how to make them.

We made three kinds: pork, vegetarian ones with mushrooms and prawns among other dishes. I prepared the fillings and put everyone to work in wrapping the filling and pan-fry them.

M.FR is still busy working, so he couldn't make it. But, his cousin is staying with me, so she came to "represent" the family.

I received many nice gifts, including the baby towel that I am wearing in the photo.... with a duck head. It was so nice to be in a supporting circle even though I haven't been here of so long when I am starting a new chapter of life.

お友達が、私のベビーシャワーを催してくれました。餃子や、おにぎり、獅子唐の炒め物などを作って、皆でお腹がはち切れそうになるまで食べた。デザートはシュークリーム！

お祝いのプレゼントも色々頂いて、買おうと思っていたエルゴのだっこ紐ももらって助かります。何より、皆の暖かい心遣いがとっても嬉しかった。私も、これから産まれてくる子も幸せ者だなーと思った。産まれたら、ご報告を兼ねて、日本風にお返ししなきゃね。写真はアヒルのフード付きのタオルを被ってるところ。

もう臨月に突入で、仕事も残り後１週間ほどです。

つんつるてん

I actually have hardly bought any maternity clothese till now. The only item purchased is a pair of black jeans, which has a stretchy belly from H&M. I have been just wearing my loose dresses, and I realized that I own quite a few of them. I can still fit into most of my dresses. But now that my belly is sticking out, the dress gets lifted up and getting shorter and shorter. My wardrobe options are getting fewer and fewer in the last month.

Soon, I can't wear most of my dresses, because they are not going to work out for easy breast-feeding (if I get to breast feed I hope).  I started sorting out my clothing to categories of "I hope I can fit back in the future- tight skirts and fit dresses", "I am going to hung on to this till I deliver the baby" and "compatible for breast feeding."

９ヶ月になって、こんなお腹になりました。普段から着ていたワンピースもなんだかつんつるてん。自分のお腹がこんなに伸びるなんて感心。８キロの荷物を抱えることを考えたら重そうだけど、今のところまだまあまあフットワークは軽い気がする。残り１ヶ月でどーんと重くなるのかなあ。        

ひとりしゅうまつ Solo weekend

 久しぶりの一人の週末。BKKの数少ない友達もみんないなかったので、一人でのんびり。

土曜日は伊勢丹に買い物に行って、日本語の本や、遅いけど同僚にあげようと思って、ロイスのチョコレートを買ってきた。自分用に、ラムレーズンの板チョコも、これがすっごく美味しい！

食器や香水、赤ちゃん用品売り場を見て回って、他にも色々買い物した後、日本のケーキ屋さんで、塩キャラメルのシュークリーム。かなりのボリュームで、お腹いっぱい。

土曜日は、美容院に行って、友達に教えてもらったオーガニックのお店に行ってみた。お茶しようと入ったのだけど、メニューのコロッケサンドがあまりにも美味しそうだったので、レモングラス茶と一緒に、おやつ。

今は、洋服が買えないので、つい食べ物と雑貨類に目がいってしまう。この期に及んでワンピースを１着買ってしまったけど！ゆったりしたワンピースを着回しているけど、最近、段々入るものが減ってきた。同じのを着てると飽きてくる。妊娠前に着ていたタイトスカートとかまた着られるようになるのかな？

映画も見たし、読書も掃除もできた充実の週末。たまには一人も良いね。

Kimuchi making

久しぶりに家でキムチを作った。

私は今回のYGN滞在が、飛行機に乗れる最後なので、これからは出産するまで、家に帰ってこられない。珍しく、FR氏が君が帰って来る頃に食べ頃になってるだろうから、作ろうよと言ってくれて、二人でキムチ作り。

今回は、有機栽培の野菜のお店で買ったカブの葉がたくさん余っていたので、それと、ネギ、大根、人参と少々の白菜。それにたっぷりの生姜。見かけは、いつもより緑色。さて２ヶ月後にはどんなお味になっているでしょうか？楽しみ★

それにしても、次にこちらの家に帰って来る時には、二人が三人になっているって信じられない。彼が休みを取ってこちらに来てくれるまでは、１ヶ月ちょっと寂しいけど。最後の一人の時間を楽しく過ごそう。仕事も残り１ヶ月、友達も来週遊びにきてくれるので、なんやかんや忙しくなりそう。

今日の検診で、お腹の中の彼は2.3キロまで成長してるって言われた。前回からは、ほぼ倍に体重が増えたのには驚き。私も、久々に恐る恐る体重計に乗ってみると、プラス８キロにまで増えていた。目標は９キロなので、残りの１ヶ月で１キロくらいに押さえないとね。

Name debate

Our little one can come out as early as in a month, but we still don’t have a name for him!

How do people do it?! A name is the first thing you give as parents, and it can define a person. That’s a big job. There is an added layer of complication, when the baby is “so called” mixed cultures like our case. I am Japanese and M.FR American. We don’t know where we will live and our son will grow up and call home. The name also has to go well with two of our family names, as we plan to hyphenate family names for him.

I know some girls grow up fantasizing how they will name their babies, but I am not one of these. I had no favourite name.  

If I choose a Japanese name, it has to be easy to remember, be pronounced and cannot mean anything we don’t want outside of Japan. M.FR finds it hard that Japanese names need to be considered from two aspects: sound and meaning of Chinese characters we choose. For instance, one name can be written in many different ways in combining different Chinese characters.

I have suggested that we choose one Japanese name and another more western name. I even suggested picking an Indonesian or Nepali name in two countries where he spent a significant amount of time. I proposed a number of Japanese names, which he likes but says nothing “jumps out” yet.

He wants to name after great artists or musicians that he admires. I am fine with it, but I don’t really want to set a path for him. What if he has not interest in art or music?!

Out of sheer desperation and with a suggestion of a friend of ours, we even wrote to Haruki Murakami, Japanese novelist that we both like. He opens a fan site where fans can send comments and questions to him. He promised to read them all and respond to as many as possible. We crafted a message to ask for his advice and sent it, but doesn’t seem like it was picked up…  So, this endeavor got us nowhere.

This naming issue has been a topics of numerous dinner parties, and we also spend quite a bit of time talking about it…..in vain.

People say when you finally meet the baby you know it. Is it really true? Can someone confirm that it will just come to you?                

Colors of Shan- Shan Bags

お土産やプレゼント用に、いつも家にストックしている、シャンバッグ。今回の旅行でも買ってきました。赤いのはホテルからのお土産。色もデザインも色々で楽しい。シャンの人は実際、見た所ほとんどの人がこんな肩掛けかばんを持っています。

今日の衝動買い

I happened to be in a fair-trade craft shop in town with a friend of mine after lunch today, and I found this. It's so cute and couldn’t help getting it. According to my friend who has two kids, our little one would be able to fit into this for three months… 

My first impulsive baby shopping! 

Images of Inle Lake

Weekend Get Away Inle Lake

彼の仕事がものすごく忙しい中、当分二人で旅行には行けないから！と我がままを言って、週末旅行に連れてきてもらいました。行き先は、以前ちらっと訪れたことのあるインレー湖。今回は、湖畔のリゾートでのんびり３泊。お部屋もバンガロー式で広いし、食事もシャン州の美味しいお料理が色々頂けて、最後の旅行なのでちょっと贅沢してきました。

ほとんどはホテルの敷地内で、私は本を読んだり、スパでエステをしてもらったり、彼は仕事や音楽の宿題したりのんびり。最近、滞在式の旅行をあまりしていないので（セネガル以来！）、何もしない休暇も良いもんだ。日曜日はボートを出してもらって、近くの村で開かれている市場に行って、そのあと村を散策。職場の同僚にあげるお土産を購入。ボートからは、湖でお皿を洗う人達、洗濯したり水浴びしたりする女性達、漁師さんもいるし、水上畑でトマトを栽培している人達もいる。モーターボートで色々な物資を運んでいる人達もいる。この辺りの人達の生活の様子が、垣間みれて興味深かった。水上の木でできた高床式の家も、素敵。1家に大体ボートやカヌーが２、３せきはあるようでした。子供の頃に、世界の人々の図鑑で見た通りの、水の上の暮らし。（そう言えば、あの子供図鑑大好きだったな。よく見ていた。）小さい子供も棒を持って、遊びながら船をこぐ練習（？）しているみたいで、可愛らしい。

お昼は、彼の仕事のチームがこの近くの町に留まって、調査をしているので、彼は会議も兼ねて皆で食事。去年の９月までは、動きがなくて仕事に退屈していた彼だけど、ここにきてスタッフも増えて、面白い仕事をしているみたいで、私も嬉しい。

ホテルからのお土産でシャンカバンと私にはテーブルマットのセットまで頂いてしまった。大満足の週末でした。FR氏、どうもありがとう。彼も首都の喧噪から離れて、ちょっとはリラックスできたみたい。

今日から遂に９ヶ月目に入って、こちらに帰ってこられるのは、出産前はこれで最後。これからはBKKで、彼が休みを取って来てくれるまで、仕事をしながら、赤ちゃんの誕生を待つことになります。残り２ヶ月弱、有意義に過ごさなければ。アッという間に過ぎてしまうのかな。

This was our last holiday for two of us before we have an additional member. This was my second visit to the lake, but we stayed for three nights this time to throughly enjoy the quietness. We ate very well, watched a sunset, went on a boat tour to a market and strolled in a village, but mostly we took it easy in the resort on the lakeside, reading a book, napping, getting a facial etc etc.

M.FR is really busy these days, but he managed to find time for us to go on this short but fantastic holiday. This was a great start of my ninth (!) month. I will no longer be able to go anywhere (no flying...) after this visit and will stay put in BKK.

Border crossings: Western Sahara

The most problematic section of our trip was crossing borders from Morocco, Mauritania and to Senegal. The southern part of Morocco is a disputed territory of "Western Sahara" where a referendum to be independent or not is overdue and being monitored by an UN mission. Moroccan government is trying to control the area by sending lots of people to live there and is extremely sensitive with foreign journalists. There is a military presence.

TanTan Beach (there was no turning back at this point. I read a few MoFA
travel advisories about Mauritania and got really scared and second guessing
mydecision to tag along this part of the trip....)

After spending a few days in Sidi Wazek, we embarked on this unknown territory. The farther we went, the less vegetation we saw. It is the beginning of Sahara Dessert. Making a one-night brief stop at Tan Tan beach, we took an over-night long distance bus to the last major city before entering Mauritania, which is Dakhla. We packed some snacks and bottles of water (that we hardly sipped to avoid urges to go to a bathroom) and were prepared for notorious numerous police checks along the way by making many photocopies of our passport and basic information. What we had to be careful was our profession. The government probably doesn't like UN or aid workers especially human rights lawyer like M.FR. So, we decided to keep it vague enough but not totally a lie by saying I was "analyst" and he was "consultant." We were a bit nervous, as it appeared that we were the only tourists/ foreigners on this packed bus. We also didn't get to sit together on the bus.

We had a bathroom break in a city called Laayoune where the UN operation was (and is still) on-going. Until then it was not eventful. Shortly after this stop, a fist-fight broke up on the bus between Arab looking (Moroccan probably) bus driver and a guy who could be Saharawi (ethnic group native to this region which is trying to be independent.) They were both yelling quite emotionally and hitting each other on a narrow aisle on the bus right next to me. By then a kind Moroccan government official man gave me a seat so that I could sit next to M. FR. It was escalating and some by-standers on the bus were trying to break up the fight. We were getting nervous as we thought they could use weapons on the bus, which could involve other passengers. Mr. FR and I were ready to jump off the bus if it got worse. Finally police came and brought them out for questioning. It looked like it was resolved after a while and we thought we were ready to continue with our trip. Then the police started checking everyone's paper. They collected foreign passports (ours and there turned out to be Turkish guy also on board) and asked only M. FR to get off for "interrogation." I was nervously waiting. They apparently didn't like his job title of "consultant." They were asking if he was a journalist and if he worked with an "institution." Waiting seemed very long to me. The police chief guy was not so happy but M. FR managed with his small talk ability in French by being extremely friendly and polite to him.

We arrived at our destination of Dakhala in early morning around 4 and checked in a three star hotel.          

Parenting Class

今週末は、お世話になっているサミティベート病院で、出産前講習を受けてきました。FR氏もこのため、仕事が多忙な中２週連続でこちらにきてくれました。

私達を入れて６組のカップルとで、みんなBKK住まいの外国人。私の職場の同じフロアで働いている、バングラディシュ人の男性の奥さんも、実は３月出産予定だということで、たまたま同じクラスにきていました。講師はタイ人の看護師、出産と授乳コンサルタントの優しそうな女性。

まずは、実際に出産するお部屋の見学。病室と言うよりは、バスタブ付きのリビングルームみたいな感じです。真ん中に大きいタブがあり、周りに、ソファーとかデイベット（休憩用）、壁に付いたはしご、天井からぶら下がったロープ、バランスボールなどが置いてある。自分で持ちこんだ音楽を聴けるステレオやシャワーも付いてる。ここで、出産前から赤ちゃんが産まれてからの数時間までずっと過ごすらしい、フリースタイルの出産のお部屋。病人のベッドはないのだけど、緊急の時はすぐに対応できるようになってる。兎に角、妊婦さんがどれだけリラックスできるか、が肝心らしく、それで薬の使用量も６０％少なくできるそう。

講習内容は、出産のステップ、病院に持って行くもの、新生児の世話等等。カップルでできる、陣痛を和らげる体操も、フロアでみんなで練習。

講師の先生は、出産は難しいことではないことを、誰でも、自然の分娩ができること強調していました。陣痛の痛みは怖いけど、ちょっと出産自体が楽しみに思える気もしてきた。FR氏は、君はこんな素晴らしい経験ができるなんて、いいねーとまで言っていた。（彼は痛くないからそんなことが言えるんじゃない？って気もするけど）

順調にいって、帝王切開とかにならずに、自然分娩ができたらいいな。一生に１回のことなので、この貴重な経験を十分に心に焼き付けておかないとね。FR氏が、間に合ってこられると良いのだけどねー。

夜は、久しぶりにお寿司屋さんでたっぷり食べて、お買い物して（新しい和食器を購入！）たこ焼き器も買った。早速、日曜日は彼のお友達を招いて３人で、蛸がなかったので、イカで代用した、イカ焼きパーティー。楽しい週末は直に終っちゃう。もう明日から仕事か。また１週間頑張ろう。

Tiny socks

I had another checkup and detailed scan at the hospital. Overall, he seems to be growing well with a minor kidney issue which is under observation. He has almost doubled his weight since the last appointment, and now he weighs around 1.3 kilogram. According to his growth trajectory to date, he may be as big as 3.5 by the time he is born. I can't imagine how I will have space in my stomach for him to be more than double of his current size!! For Japanese baby size average, he is a bit bigger. For American standard, he is just average. The doctor told us they have no measurement for a half Japanese and half American :)

M.FR (came to BKK to accompany me for the appointment) and I went on our first baby shopping. It is little overwhelming to see so many items in shops and to know what exactly we need. We got some basics, such as onesies, a couple of bottles, little socks, hats, cloth, nail clipper, soap etc. They are all so incredible tiny! I can't believe I will get to meet him in three months wearing these cute little outfits... We decided to go with a bare minimum and not to get carried away by baby item frenzies capitalism, but let's see how we may change this attitude...

We are planning to attend a one-day prenatal parenting class next weekend. 

Happy 2015！

明けましておめでとうございます。今年も宜しくお願いします。２０１５年は大きな変化の年になるので、自己成長の機会だと思って、気を引き締めて頑張ります。

清々しい気分で新年を迎えました、と言いたい所だけど、完全寝不足。大晦日にFR氏のスタッフが４人うちにきたので、ディナーパーティー。スタッフさんの一人がパスタやグワカモリを作ってくれて、私達はポテトサラダの春巻きとサラダの簡単メニューでした。３時過ぎまでお開きにならなかったので、私はほとんど寝てないし、彼は完全二日酔いでノックアウト。酔っぱらっているのに、真夜中に彼がお皿洗いと、キッチンの掃除をしてくれていてビックリ。酔っぱらうといつもなかなか寝てくれないので、最後は無理矢理ベッドまで引きずって行くんだけど、結局は私より先に寝てしまう。こんなおかしな二人だけど、今年は３人になります。どんな１年になるのか楽しみ。

一日は辛うじて、お雑煮ランチを食べた以外はゴロゴロしていました。京風は白味噌がなくてできなかったので、岡山風のすまし汁にして、バンコクで買ってきた黒豆と、スモークサーモンのサラダのメニュー。柚子酒添え。

週末までここで過ごして、月曜の朝に仕事に戻ります。２週間体重を計ってないので、どんなことになってるやら。久々にお家でゆっくりできて良かった。二人で壁にプロジェクターで映して、床にクッションをたくさん並べて映画もたくさん見ました。

Wishing a very Happy New Year 2015 to everyone! We started the year with a bad hangover (M.FR) and a sleep deprivation (me), but otherwise everything is well. I am bracing myself for up-coming big changes in my life this year. The above photo is one the new year's eve dinner that we hosted for M.FR's colleagues. I managed to prepare a simple new year lunch to celebrate the beginning of what will be an exciting year! Wishing 2015 be filled with joy and happiness.  

Border Crossing- Getting Mauritania visa

At this point, I still had not decided whether I would accompany M.FR on the cross Sahara trip all the way to Senegal. We made a stop in Rabat, Morocco’s capital to see if we could get visa to enter Mauritania. We did some online research to understand how it worked, but the information was not very clear. We decided to give it a try anyway.

We drove to the Mauritania embassy to start queuing at 7:30. The embassy door was supposed to open at 9, but there were already a significant number of people waiting in line, some backpackers, Moroccans etc etc. While we sat down and waited in a queue, a group of guys appeared out of nowhere holding what it seemed like application papers for visas. People started to flock around them and getting them to fill the form for a payment. There is another embassy across the street, and their guard brought out chairs for these form-filling people. We also joined the group, not really knowing what was happening. We paid about 5 dollars to get our forms filled and went back to the line. We waited another two hours before we were in the door to submit our forms over the counter. Then, we were told it wasn’t the right form and they gave us another one (so the initial step was totally a waste!). We refilled it, submitted it with the payment and our passports. That was it! Visas were stamped on our passport by the afternoon, and we were ready to depart Rabat towards Sahara. It was surprisingly easy, and I had less excuses not to go along.

While we waited in a line, we met some interesting people. There was German guy who has been cycling from home heading towards Cape Town in South Africa over several months. The other extreme was Canadian woman, who believed that paying “extra” to “expedite” the visa process justified jumping the line. Anyway, she was on an attempt to visit all countries in the world. She has visited many already and about to finish her trip in March 2014, which is impressive.

Driving through Morocco was so pleasant. Such a beautiful country with varied landscape.

This is how we started our more unorthodox section of our trip.        

鍵のペンダント

I combined the antique key that I purchased yesterday with an old earring and a gold chain. I got this earring in Nepal a few years ago, but the other side was lost. A small craft project of the holiday week.  

Antique shopping

ここ二日は、アンティークショップめぐり。またいつ、引っ越しするか分からないので、あんまり余計な物を増やしたくないけど、小さい物をいくつか買ってしまった。

小さい鍵達。ペンダントにしたら可愛いかなと思って。

 古いフォーク。全部形が微妙に違う。これでもクレンザーでかなり磨いたもの。真鍮のスプーンもどっしりしていて、使い心地良さそう。

 FR氏は、１９５０年代の地図とか、日本の侵略戦争のプロパガンダのパンフレット（！）を購入。このパンフレットは、ビルマ語、インドネシア語、中国語、英語、日本語で書かれていて、ボロボロだけど、珍しいものなのだと思う。

古本屋さんでも、彼は昔のビルマ研究論文など大量に買っていた。一体どうする気やら。私にクリスマスプレゼントと言って、この国の織物の図鑑みたいな綺麗なコーヒテーブルブック（こちらは新しい、最近編集されたもの）を買ってくれました。

無駄遣いな気もするけど、旅行に行かなかったから、ま、いいか。

なんやかんや言って、毎日、色んな人に会ったりお出かけしている。

Merry Christmas

クリスマスは特に何もしない無宗教な我が家だけど、FR氏の部下の一人に小さいツリーを頂いたので、テーブルに飾ってみる。今晩は、近くのレストランにピザを食べに行って、家で久しぶりにチョコレートフォンデュをしました。

Wonderland Trail

This may have been one of hardest things I have done. I was a girl scout when I was younger. I did lots of outdoor things, walking and camping, but this was not nearly as hard-core as the Wonderland Trail. Wonderland trail is in Washington Sate around Mt. Rainer, about 3 hours drive from Seattle. The total distance is about 150 kilo meters. 

Last summer, M.FR was just completing another trail in Colorado, and he invited me to join him on this “back-packing” as how they refer it in the US. Another American couple from California, whom he befriended the previous year also during another backpacking trip has organized it and invited us. He told me “it’s not going to be easy, but I would normally walk twice the distance of what we will walk everyday. Besides, the other couple will go slower, so that is not going to be so bad.” I still didn’t know what I was getting myself into, and I thought “sure, why not? I like hiking and trekking.”

M. FR and I met up on my birthday last year in Seattle. We went gear shopping. The first shock came when he told me that I was supposed to bring only two pairs of socks and two t-shirts (day shirt and night shirt to sleep in.) I didn’t really comprehend the concept. I went trekking in Nepal, but I had at least some T-shirts and socks to change everyday. We had a porter too. He told me anything you bring would add to the weight you have to carry, so keep it a bare minimum. The second shock was that we had to pack food worth of 10 days, as there is nowhere to refill supplies all along the route. Mostly freeze dry items, but it adds up. I was started to getting scared but kept quiet as I didn’t want him to think I was not tough enough.

Comes the day of our trip, we met the couple at the airport and drove off. They kindly lent me a backpack and a sleeping bag. My gear consisted of brand-new walking shoes (yes not the best idea) downjacket, water bottle, food and some mujirushi treats, two pairs of clothes, camera, gloves, water-resistant jacket and pants (borrowed from my sister) inflatable mat for sleeping and walking sticks. M.FR carried a two-person tent for us. When they were all packed in the backpack, I couldn’t believe how heavy it was. I could barely lift it up to put it on my back! Then, I remember the thing I hate the most is carrying heavy things!

This trail was particular in a way that you need to book camping spots for the entire trip, and you need to go accordingly. There is no freedom of stopping and pitching a tent wherever you feel like. The first day was fine with a short distance. I kept up. The second day I also managed, though I arrived exhausted. On the night of the second day, it started raining with heavy thunder. We were in a forest, so I wasn’t scared. I never knew lighting can come in a range of colors, white, yellow, pink and orange. In the total darkness of the tent I could see all these colors.

After this day, it kept raining all day. We got to a river crossing to find out that the bridge was washed away by the heavy rain. I thought we were going to wait till it got fixed, even felt glad that I can stop and rest. Then M.FR said “we need to wade.” I didn’t know what wading meant. It means crossing the river on foot!! I was cold, tired and scared. I just met a group who decided to wait since it will be dangerous to cross. I started crying and begged M.FR not to make me do this. His answer was “don’t worry. This is normal. We do it everytime.” I knew then that I had no choice. Jack (the husband of the couple who is very experienced and so fit) offered to carry my backpack. I used my walking sticks to balance and not to slip in the river that came to my knee. The last part was the trickiest. It was deeper, probably around till my waist with what it seemed like a strong volume of glacier water rushing down... There was a log about three meters fell on the river, and we were to balance and cross on this. One foot at a time, I managed and kept going. Everyone was holding breath. The cold took away my energy and it was the longest distance to cover that day of the whole trip, around 16 miles. I was wet, cold and backpack was getting wet and heavier and heavier. I was quite miserable. At one point on this day, M.FR also carried my pack for a little while. We finally arrived in one camping site, which we did not reserve. It was clear that we weren’t going to be able to go any further that day and managed to find a spot. A half of my sleeping bag was wet, so we shared one sleeping bag and kept my jacket on. I was freezing. The next day, I put on same wet socks and continued…. On one sunny day finally, we spread all our belongings on a rock to dry them out. I could see steams coming off from my backpack, clothes etc etc. 

Despite this, I also had beautiful moments. There were lots of wild blueberries on this trail, and we would stop and munch on sweetest blueberries I ever had until my tongue was all purple. We slept outside one night, putting our mats side-by-side and fell sleep watching a beautiful sky and stars. Peanut butter on trail bars never tasted so good in my life, which was our lunch everyday. I could have eaten a half jar in one sitting if I was allowed. M.FR, who is normally very slow in the morning, would get up before me and start preparing breakfast (tea and oatmeal with honey.) Anything and everything I ate tasted delicious, as every calorie and sugar and fat counts (including things like cold rehydrated mushed potatoes, grill cheese sandwich in one cabin which stayed open). Saw some amazing landscapes and wild flowers, mountain goats etc.  I was dirty and my hair was greasy, but we kept going. It was obviously the longest time of not showering. I learned some new backpacking vocabularies like “of-course” wading, trailhead and switchback.

With encouragement and help from the group, I managed to keep up for 10 days. At one point, my heels were hurting so much from the new shoes, I wore flip-flops. I thought shoes are like a dictatorship of feet!

After the 10 days, you know what M.FR said to me? He said “I didn’t think you could complete the trail. This was much harder than I thought and may be hardest I have had with the rain and going up and down everyday.” !!!! So, yes I succeeded. I impressed him, and this was just so worth it just to hear him say that. I passed the test.    

I would like to do that again, but wouldn’t mind it if it is a little easier. I was actually invited again this year, but I didn’t go because he told me it may be harder than last year. It’s always good to get out of my comfort zone. Carrying a heavy pack and wearing same wet socks five days consecutively is not within my comfort zone. For that, I thank him for always pushing and testing my limit (in many ways.) Now I fantasize going on easier trekking with the boy on his back. I wonder how soon we can go on such adventures again. Along the way, we met a nice group of older people in their early 70's. They were so fit and seem to enjoy life very much. My goal is to be like them when and if we are lucky to be live till then.