備忘録 今週の初めて

４ヶ月になったTR君。今週できるようになったこと。

唇があることに気が付いたのか、よだれを出しながら、ぶぶーとやっている。機嫌の良い時に楽しそうに、自分の口で遊んでいるみたい。

これに関連してか、B, M, Pの子音が発音できるようになったよう。泣き方にも、むむむというのが入って可愛い。泣いてるのに、つい泣き声を聞いてしまう。こういう感じでスピーチが発達していくのだろうか。

まだ寝返りは左方向しかできないけど、グルッと完全に回り、また仰向けになるのを目撃。これだと、移動スペースが広くなるので、要注意。

一番のニュースは、自分でおねんねできるようになったこと。ねんねトレーニングについてはまた書きます。これで長い日は、夜の７時から、４時か５時頃まで寝てくれる。

こんな感じで、どんどん成長していくんだろうなー。嬉しいけど、ちょっと寂しい気もする。

夕ご飯

お友達家族に、初めてもらった結婚祝いの可愛い食器。どうもありがとう！嬉しくて、何だか照れてしまう。張り切って写真を撮ったら、箸置きの方向が間違ってる！すべて有機栽培のもので作った、鮭の炊き込みご飯となすと青梗菜のお味噌汁です。我が家の質素な夕食。具沢山なので、これでお腹いっぱいになるのです。これでもFR氏は美味しい美味しいと言って食べてくれる。デザートは凍らせたグレープフルーツ。

Simple dinner using the organic vegetables and the first wedding gift. Is it a bad luck to use the gift before the wedding? I wonder...  Please note that the chopstick rest is placed on the wrong end of chopsticks... I am seriously worried about my japaneseness..  

ねむり

ゆうかんに

ねむりのもんを

たたいて

こわいもんばんがいても

ここからはひとりで

いっしょには

いってあげられないから

有機栽培の野菜

綺麗で見ているだけで嬉しくなってくる、色とりどりの野菜。毎回何が入っているのか分からないので、配達されてから、何をつくろうかなーと考える。今回は自分では買わない、ゴーヤとかからし菜も入っていたので、レシピを検索したりするのもまた楽し。明日はお友達がランチにくるので、これでおもてなしの予定。

Organic vegetables delivered to our door every saturday. Makes me so happy to look at these beautiful vegetables and plan meals. Great value for about 15$   

Getaway in BKK

Me and little TR spent a few days in Bangkok. One of my dear friends and her family in Montreal who were visiting Japan (she is Japanese, married to Canadian) made their way to Bangkok to meet us. It was so nice to introduce our son to them and spend time together. As they have a toddler, we didn’t do much other than eating and taking it easy in a hotel.

It was my first time to travel and stay in a hotel with him by myself. TR behaved himself very well during flights and in restaurants. It gave me a bit of confidence to move around on my own. The only problem is that he is so heavy now! It’s like training for a next long distance backpacking to go with M. FR. We combined the visit with TR’s medical appointment.

It was fun to spend time with TR. It felt like more time together although I am with him almost 24 hours when we are at home. It’s staying in a hotel room and walking around him strapped to me makes it feel like that. 

I found out that he is not so fond of shopping. Every time when I go into a store to look at things, he complains. He will be one of these guys who hate to go shopping with his girlfriend/ wife in a future… I bought a few things for myself hastily without trying them on..  This is part of motherhood, I suppose.  

M. FR joined us for the last few days. He had to work, but we managed to squeeze in dinner with friends and for me to go get massage.

バンコクでの短い休暇。今回は最初の2晩はTR君と二人で。ホテルでのんびり。彼も、得意の寝返り技をホテルのキングサイズベットで楽しそうに披露していました。テレビも珍しそうに見ていた。

大好きなお友達家族がわざわざ来てくれて、本当に幸せな数日でした。写真は私のシャツを掴んでいる嬉しくなる小さい手と、子供連れで外に行けない口実で頼んだルームサービスの朝食。ココアのポットに私が写り込んでます。

寝返り記念日

うちのキューピーさん日々進化中。

今日は初めての寝返りに成功。何か横向いてうーうー言っていると思ったら、そこから腹這いに回転して、両手を付いて頭も持ち上げている。自分でも満足げな表情。一つ一つできることが増えていく。赤ちゃんの成長は早い。手で物をつかむのも上手になってきて、上（蚊帳）から吊り下げてるおもちゃを掴んで、ブンブン振り回すのがとても楽しそう。

Our TR has flipped to his stomach for the first time today. Major milestone! One by one, he can do more things everyday. It is just amazing. I am happy that I was able to witness this “historic” moment. I actually started working last week. It is more or less on a part time basis, and the bulk of work can be done from home. I was just working on my concept paper sitting next to his bed when this happened. 

3 months old

Our little TR has turned three months old! I am so grateful that he is growing and healthy. He has almost doubled his birth weight now. No wonder my hands and arms are sore everyday.

When I look back and look at photos of his birth, he was so tiny. I can't believe that we have sustained this life and only with breast milk thus far.

Before his arrival, I have never- danced around the house this much, sang children's songs and looked up lyrics on the net, did this much of laundry everyday, walked around on tiptoes, eaten dinner and lunch so fast, used one hand or even feet to do things, felt fresh after five hours of sleep and known that I could have something so precious in my life.

毎日、泣いたり笑ったり色々な表情を見せてくれるうちのキューピーさん。３ヶ月長かったようなアッと言う間だったような。これからも元気ですくすく育ってね。

しゅうまつ

Quiet weekend at home (other than baby's crying..)  

M.FR is quite busy these days with work, so happy to have a family chilled out time. 

オフィス訪問

FR氏の事務所に朝出勤する彼に付いて行った、私とTR君。最近まで自宅が事務所だったので、FR氏（と諸々のスタッフも）が家にいたのに、静かになってしまって寂しい。まあ赤ちゃんがいて、事務所にされるのも困るのだか。

事務所ではスタッフさんに順番にだっこしてもらって、２時間ほどいたけど、ほとんど私のところにいなかった。人見知りが始まるまでは、誰でもご機嫌にだっこされているので助かる。お利口にしていたけど、私がお昼を頂いて、帰ろうとだっこしたら急に泣き出した。赤ちゃんでも、他の人には一応気を使ってるのかなあ。お出かけしたいけど、雨期だし、レストランやお店は徒歩ではいけないので、あんまり遊びにいけないのが残念。

祝７時間 Seven hours!

Finally achieved the seven hours of sleeping! We have been following the method of the book called “Contended Little Baby” which provides schedules of babies week by week. It’s quite rigid and doesn’t work always, but I find it useful that it gives certain structures to the day.

Now TR (baby’s initial) days are something like this (at least what we strive for):

7:00 wake up and meal, followed by play time
9:00- 10:00 Morning nap
10:00 Meal, followed by play time
12:00- 14:00 Lunch time nap
14:00 Meal (trying to delay it as much as I can) and play another 30 mins nap in-between
17:00 Bath and meal
18:00 Getting ready for sleep
19:00 – 22:00 Sleep
22:00- 23:00 Meal
23:00- 7:00 Sleep

He may have one additional meal time if he is too hungry before the bath time. The timing of each schedule varies from day to day of course. We are not always home to follow the same schedule either. We just used it as a guide as to how often to feed and when he gets tired and needs a nap. We also time our outing with his nap time, since he falls sleep when he is in a sling. It’s useful in a way that it is easier to tell what the TR wants when he cries.

The other night TR went to bed at midnight and woke up at seven. He even smiled at me instead of crying to tell me that he was hungry. I was so impressed! The unfortunate thing is that I didn’t get to enjoy the long night sleep as I had food poisoning and up a few times that night…

The key is he eats well during the last feeding. For him to eat vigorously he has to have a good evening sleep to be awake during the last meal time. So, naturally each routine of the day has a domino effect of how well he eats and sleeps, which leads to determining the quality of nighttime sleep. It’s good that we now know he is capable to sleep through if he eats well. We will continue with this to stretch it eventually from 8 to 7.

The next challenge is to let him sleep without ricking him every time. This is much more difficult…  I really dread it. 

お昼寝

久しぶりの面接で思う事

I had a job interview last night. It was the fourth time this was re-scheduled, and I was just glad to get it done finally. It’s always a bit of a challenge when you have interviews for international positions. It usually involved people in multiple locations, multiple time zones and not so optimal connections in certain countries.  I’ve had many interviews when I had to repeat my response three times. 

For this interview the first time I got the notice too late, as I was alone at home with the baby. The second time, the HQ had a trouble connecting one of interview panel members. The third time one member could not hear me through my mobile phone connection. So finally, they asked me to go to their local office at 8 at night to use their land line!! At this point, I didn’t care as much about how I did, as I just wanted to complete it…

This was the first interview after I have given birth, and it makes me think about my (immediate) future career and work/family balance. I thought I would be the kind of person wanting to go back to work as soon as possible. I enjoy what I do, and work has been always an important part of my life and identity. Now I am home all day mostly alone with the baby. I don’t do much other than taking care of him, and days can get a bit monotonous in an intellectual way. But, I enjoy spending time with him. It’s been almost three months, and many working mothers will be soon going back to their office. In the US the maternity leave is only two months, so I would have to be already back. At this point, I can’t imagine leaving him all day to someone or at a day care. It must be so hard for these mothers.

M.FR went back to work after taking two months off last week. He now rushes home every day to see the baby. Yesterday, I bathed the baby without him, and he was rather disappointed. I am sure he would rather spend time with him at home than working. I am lucky to get to stay home, because I am unemployed and the primary (and only so far) source of baby’s nutrition. 

Till now, choosing a job has been flexible. I quit the last fixed term (staff position) to be with M. FR, but I ended up taking two consultant contracts away from him: north of this country and BKK. Now that we have the baby in the picture, it will not be the same.  It will be harder to balance my and M.FR’s career. He is also applying for jobs in different places. Let’s see what come up for both of us.

昨日は久しぶりの面接。１ヶ月前に面接のお知らせが来てから、やっと4回目のトライで面接を終える事ができた。出産期初めての面接で、この仕事は取れるかどうか分からないけど、今後の事を色々考えさせられる。内容によっては出張が多い仕事もあるだろうし、私とFR氏のどちらの仕事が先に決まるかで、お互いあきらめないといけないことも出てくると思う。家族が増えて、ややこしいこともあるけど、３人でいられることか優先だな。今年中には何かの動き（仕事や国が変わるとか）があると思う。  

Harvest

From our garden

M.FR has an amazing driver, who transformed our garden. I had no success growing chillies, but he took good care of our plants while we were away. I had the first harvest of the chillies and cooked them for dinner. Nice to be home....  

Jet-setter baby

We have come back to YGN last week. We are slowly adjusting back to the life in our house and this time with an additional member, who is tiny but takes lots of space (figuratively speaking.)

It was pretty intense to get to the airport with a crying baby and four enormous pieces of luggage at 6:30 in the morning. Everything went smoothly for the baby's first international flight. A small thing like taking one hour flight with no crisis feels like a major accomplishment....

The little guy has his own passport and even the first visa!! This will be the first stamp on his passport of many more to come...

First infant seat-belt (attached to mine), first breastfeeding in the air.

He looks quite comfortable, putting his legs up on the arm rest. (the hairy arm is not mine FYI) 

お出かけ

Outing in a new sling with a new hat!

I don't know how this can be possibly comfortable enough to sleep, but he falls sleep almost immediately.

Enjoying the time alone with him while M.FR is away for a few days back in YGN

We went shopping, and I brought back a huge slice of chocolate cake. I have two more kilos to go till my original weight, but at this rate of chocolate cake consumption, I am not sure how I will lose my extra fat! I am scared to go home in two weeks and try on my pants. Luckily I only have dresses and baggy clothes in BKK.  

ちいさなきずき

ちっちゃい枕に敷いているタオルを洗濯しようとしたら、いっちょまえに頭のくさい匂いがした。

縦にだっこしている時に、くしゃみして頭が鎖骨に激突する。

手をグーにしていることが多いからなのか、開けてみると指の間とか手の中に埃がたまってる。洗濯のごみ取りネットに入ってるようなやつ。

頭の柔らかい部分、よく見るとドクドクと脈打ってるる。その中は脳なのに！ちょっと怖い。

夜の寝かしつけで、本ではなるべく目も合わさないで下さいと書いてあるんだけど、私をみてニコッーと笑いかけられた（ような）時は、どうして良いのか分からずに困ってしまう。

お腹いっぱいになった時は、よっぱらいで道でのびてるおじさんみたいで、かなり笑える。

やっと寝かしつけてホッとしても、１０分くらい経ったらそーっと見に行く。暗闇の中目を凝らして、ちゃんと息しているのか確認する。大きいベッドにちょこんと寝ているのを見ると、泣き声はあんなに大きいのに、その小ささと頼りなささに改めて、自分の責任の重さとその可愛さに途方に暮れてしまう。

毎日、あの手この手で機嫌の良い時間（だっこしなくても泣かない）を伸ばすようにしている。写真はバルコニーの床に持ち運びベッドを置いて、植木におもちゃを吊るしているところ。外は好きみたい。

Progress

He started:

• Being able to play on his own for 20 minutes at a time and playing with us up to one hour without crying and asking to be picked up; 
• Giving us what seems to be a smile (TBC);
• Following an object and our face with his eyes and turning his head

He still needs to be rocked to sleep, but I hope he will learn to fall sleep on his own soon.. 

Photo: somehow he managed to pull his giraffe onto his face during sleep. It was so cute. I took a photo and kept it there!

!!I don't know why but the site doesn't allow me to respond to comments.

Everyday

Our little son is growing. Everyday there is something new. Now he is past six weeks, and new born diapers are getting tight! He has also started sleep training, and he now sleeps around seven hours at night. He is changing everyday, so certainly he keeps me and M.FR on our toes :) 

名付け その後

It has been two weeks since the baby was born. Each day passes so quickly when we try to keep up with the feeding and sleeping schedule of the baby while trying to squeeze errands in-between. I managed to go to have a massage and lunch with friends, so I am still keeping sane thanks to the helpful hands of Papa FR, though I am in a constant state of sleep deprivation.


We had a hard time deciding the name for the baby as I have previously written, but obviously the time was up and we picked two names, English and Japanese name.

The Japanese one means lotus flower. I wanted a short and easy name to call, which is also not so masculine. Lotus flower is my favourite flower. I spent most of pregnant life working for the UN in BKK and they have a small pond in the courtyard, which I walked by everyday (the photo.) Lotus flower also represents purity, spiritual awakening and faithfulness. It emerges from murky waters in the morning but clean and beautiful. According to my research, the name happens to be one of most popular boy's names in recent years in Japan.

The other name was chosen by M.FR, and it was inspired by American black jazz piano composer. The name is quite rare, and it sounds strange and a bit complicated to some people. We can pick a nick name to shorten it too. I hope the baby will not be annoyed by the long name :)!

So he has a long and rare name in addition to the short and more familiar Japanese name, and I think it balances out.

I look forward to telling him what his names mean when he is a bit older. 

March 25th

March 25th has become an unforgettable day. 

I had so set my mind to have a natural birth. However, I realized at the end it didn't matter how it was done. In this single birthing, I was able to experience pretty much everything: natural birth, induction, epidural and finally ending in an emergency caesarian section. I enjoyed the one hour when I was pushing with three lovely nurses beside me and M.FR. It was unfortunate that it didn't end in a birth, but it was a beautiful experience. From the time when the water broke till the birth, it took almost 30 hours.  

The hardest part was when I came out of the recovery room after the surgery, I was told that I could not see the baby since he was in NICU with a fever with a possibility of infection. I was so worried and upset to think that something could be seriously wrong with the baby, and I could have prevented this if I didn't wait to have a c-section. 

Fortunately, he was cleared of all infection after 4 days, and his initial fever went down quickly. I am so grateful that he is safe and ok, but I know now that I have officially signed up for a life-long of worrying about well-being of this person.

It's incredible how this little guy was inside me, and now he is with us. I am so happy to have him and M.FR in my life.      

赤ちゃんに会えるのが待ちきれないのと、予定日も近づきそわそわしていたのもあって、数日前からお腹に、来週の月曜日に生まれてきて欲しいなーって話かけていた。でも、月曜日にビザの延長の為に移民局オフィスに行かなくては行けなくなり、月曜じゃなくて火曜日はどうかなーなんて冗談半分に頼んでいた。そしたら火曜日の朝に、キッチンに立っていたらいきなり破水。トイレに行ってすぐチェックして、FR氏に、破水したみたいと言うと、彼は慌ててインターネットで前駆破水について調べ出して、私は取りあえず病院に電話してみた。荷物を持ってきて下さいと言われて、私は今日中にでも生まれるかな、なんて思って、シャワーを浴びて、タクシーを呼んで病院へ。タクシーに乗っている間と、病院に着いたら破水の量がどんどん増えてきて焦って、かかりつけのお医者さんに診てもらった。そこから直に入院になり、分娩室に車椅子で連れて行かれた。

お腹にモニターを付けてもらい、胎児の心拍と私の陣痛を計ってもらう。陣痛はきているものの、全然痛くもないので、様子を見ましょうと言われ、フリースタイルの分娩室で待機していた。その時はまだまだ快適で、音楽を聞いたり、FR氏が買ってきてくれたお昼を食べたりして、ドキドキしながら陣痛が強くなるのを待っていた。夕方になり、お医者さんに破水してから時間が経っているので、抗生物質を投与して感染症を防ぎながら、本陣痛を待ちましょうと言われ、今夜は病室で夜を過ごすことになった。朝方４時頃からお腹が痛くなり初め、陣痛の間隔を計ると１０分くらい。朝の７時過ぎに分娩室に連れていかれ、またモニターでチェック。みるみる内に陣痛が強くなってきたのに、先生にはこれじゃまだまだ、促進剤を入れましょうと言われ、点滴する。それから我慢できない位痛くなってきて、それでもまだ陣痛の強さが足りないと言われ、根負けして無痛分娩に切り替えてもらった。このままじゃ、どうしても体力があと４、５時間も持たないと思ったからだ。そこからの２、３時間は快適で、陣痛がきているお腹の張りは分かるものの、そこまでの痛みはなく、それまでは息を詰めて私の手を握っていたFR氏も隣のソファでうたた寝できるくらいだった。

午後の２時前に子宮口の開きはまだ４センチくらい、３時になり７センチ近くなり、これから出産に入りますと言われた。看護師さんが３人ついてくれて、陣痛がくる度にいきむのを手伝ってくれる。１時間くらい頑張って、もうそろそろかなと思っていると、先生が急に胎児の心拍が上がっている、何かトラブルがあるのかもしれないし、このまま頑張ってもまだ１時間以上かかる可能性もある、緊急帝王切開にするべきですと言われた。私はもう生まれるすぐそこまで来ていると思っていたので、ビックリしたのと、赤ちゃんに何かあったらと思うと心配で心配で、元々自然分娩にこだわっていたけど、赤ちゃんが最優先なので、FR氏と相談して直に承諾した。すると、手術着にマスクを付けたグループがすぐさま現れて、今まで何かのクローゼットかと思っていたソファーの後ろのドアが開いて、手術室に連れて行かれた。私は今まで、幸いなことに、ほとんど病院にお世話になったこともないし、手術はもちろん、麻酔さえも歯医者以外では経験もない。自分でテレビの一場面を見ているような気持ちだった。酸素マスクが取り付けられてからも、赤ちゃんに何かあったらと思うと不安で、何度も心拍はどうなっていますかと聞いていた。両手を広げて固定され、十字架にかけられているみたいだった。FR氏も着替えて、手術に付き添ってくれて心強かった。幕が張られて私は見えないけど、小型チェーンソーみたいな音がしてお腹を切っているんだなということ分かる。胸の下をギュウギュウ押している間隔があって、帝王切開ってそうやるんだと今まで知らなかった。すると産声が聞こえてきて、私は心底ホッとした。

綺麗にしてもらって、布にくるまれた赤ちゃんを顔に近づけて見せてくれた。嬉しくて、涙がどんどん出てきた。これから検査しますと言われ、私は３０分以内に初乳を与えたいので、連れて来て下さいと言うと、それは無理ですと言われた。私は本でこの初乳には免疫の成分が普通の母乳より多く含まれていて、大切だと読んだので、どうしてもすぐのカンガルーケアをしたかったけど、対面は数秒のことで、すぐに連れて行かれてしまった。FR氏に私はいいから、赤ちゃんに付いて行ってと、朦朧とした意識で頼んだ。私はこの段階でまだ、手術後を縫っている途中だったらしい。

それから私はリカバリー室に連れて行かれ、看護師さんに聞くと１時間半はここにいないといけないと言われ、がっかりした。モルヒネの麻酔のせいでガタガタ震えながら廊下にある時計をずっと見ていた。その間も頻繁に血圧を体温を計られる。早く赤ちゃんに会いたくて、１時間半がこんなに長く感じられたことはなかった。

やっと病室に帰っても良い事になり、まだ点滴も固定されたまま、運ばれている途中エレベーターを待っていると、FR氏がやってきた。彼に直に赤ちゃんを部屋に連れて来て欲しいと言うと、彼は言いにくそうにそれはできないだと私に告げた。私はパニックになって、どういうことか聞くと、生まれてすぐ熱があったので、新生児集中治療室に入っていて、私は起き上がれないので会えないとのこと。私はショックで、何かあったらどうしようと思うと怖くなって、涙が止まらなかった。

それから何度も彼に赤ちゃんを見に行ってもらい、容態を説明してもらうと、少し落ち着いたけど、心配なのと早く会いたいので、気が気でなかった。彼が私の病室まで赤ちゃんを連れて来てもらえるように頼んでくれて、夜の１０時頃にプラスチックのベットに入った息子が来てくれた。出産したのが４時半くらいだったから、５時間も経っていたけど、生まれたてホヤホヤの息子は小さくて可愛くて、信じられない気持ちだった。