I miss…

I do not want this blog to just draw a rosy picture of how it is to work in the international development. Sure, it is a great experience that you get to travel to other countries, and it can be very gratifying. But, I don’t think anyone can say that they enjoy each and every second of it.

I feel a bit down today. It is probably because I spoke to my boyfriend in Canada last night. The fact that my work slowed down a little doesn’t help. And then, I start missing things I don’t have. I miss taking hot shower. I miss cool air. I miss being able to take a walk in the evening (you can’t walk after dark here). I miss walking in a street without being constantly called “Chinee girl.” I miss buying nice pastries like pain au chocolat on weekends. I miss being able to have autonomy and freedom to do what I want at work.

I am used to having freedom to initiate any new projects, which I think, help for the organization as long as they fit with the mandate. Now I have lots of independence at work, but it simply means there is no supervision. I tried to speak to the General Secretary about starting up a newsletter for U. members. He gave me a long speech about something, which sounded like it may lead to either “yes, let’s do ir” or “no, we can’t”. However, at the end I was not sure what the answer was, and I thought it probably meant no. I was tired and puzzled. It is hard to have any discussion in a situation where the fan is blowing loudly and person talks in a low voice with Guyanese accent.

I am still waiting to go visit other regions to conduct consultations with teachers, and I am very much looking forward to it. I could work on the report, but I need to complete the consultation first. I have to wait until arrangements are made. I don’t like to be at mercy of other people’s decision. (Then again, how naïve can I be? This is what people normally call work.) Nevertheless, I knew this. I knew it would be like this, so I should be ok.

Above everything, I miss my boyfriend and friends. Once a friend of mine said to me “you must be so used to being away from him by now.” (Because I am always working/ studying in other cities or countries.) People think I am “Miss Independent”, but it is not true unfortunately. At every good bye, I get all emotional and teary, all the girlie stuff, but I can’t help it. It does not get any easier.

Calling internationally is expensive. I buy a calling card of about $6 CAD, which allows me to talk about 20 minutes, using a public phone OUTSIDE. I can’t call late at night, and it gives me less than 10 mins if I use this card with a regular land line at home. It is not any cheaper when you call from Canada. There is no time difference between Guyana and Canada, but coordination a timing of calls can be tricky.

It’s fun to complain every once in a while, and “raise awareness” about reality of international work.