Found an apt finally...

やっとお家が決まった。一安心。予算大幅オーバーだけど、取り敢えずここならと思えるアパートなので、良かった。兎に角ホテル暮らしは辛いので、自分の生活を始められるのが嬉しい。８階のお部屋で、日当り良好, 眺めも悪くない。家具の趣味もまあまあかな。強いて言えばもう少し海が見えれば、ベターなのだけど。ビルとビルの間から少しは覗くオーシャンビュー。このアパートに１年間住むかは分からないけど、ベッドルームは二つあるし、どんどん友達や家族に遊びにきて欲しい！それにしても、こっちの家賃の高さには驚き、正にマンハッタン並みである。明日、入居です。

Fashion File ／現地ファッション事情

Before I came to this country, I was advised to particularly dress conservatively, when you are young. Though I am not so young, I do look young. Extreme difference between resorts where you can pretty much be naked with a tiny mini bikini while in the Manhattan and on other residential islands, you are expected to dress "respectfully" and "decently". My Kurti shirts that I have been wearing in Nepal and knee length skirts that have been tacked away in my closet for the past two to three years (as the trend was a bit shorter skirts recent years) are once again in my heavy-rotation wardrobe list. No short skirt, no open neck shirt and no no-sleeves in the office and not so much on the street.

As I observe on the street, I would say 80% of women wear hijab (head scarf) and a small minority wears the black head-to-toe veil (not bulka need to research the name). So, the covered percentage is quite high. But, most of them wear modern clothes with hijab. In the office, the percentage is much lower, and some of the ladies are very fashionable with tight trousers. They must be quite progressive to work in the UN.

As much as I miss wearing my nice summer dresses, I am relieved that there is not a so super strict dress code. And at a same time, I also do feel relieved that this is more or less non-consumerism, no high-pressure-to-dress-nicely and always have up to date outfits environment. I do love shopping and dressing up, but I find it hard now to be in a hyper capitalist- consumerism society where you are made to feel inadequate if you don't have this and that and end up almost compulsively want to buy things just because.

こちらは宗教上、あまり足と言うか肌を出すのが御法度なので、数年前にはやっていた膝丈スカートが大活躍。最近は短いのが主流（だと思うんだけど）なので、着る機会がなかったので、何だか嬉しい。後は、ネパールで着ていたチュニックのシャツは露出度が低いし体の線も出ないので、丁度良い。来週、インドに出張に行くので、また何か買ってこようかなー。ベールを被った女性の隣をノースリーブで太腿もむき出しにした観光客が通り過ぎて行く、なんともおかしな構図のこの街。ここ最近は、週末にしか着れないカジュアルだけど可愛い服（ジーンズやオフィスでは着れないスカートやワンピース）を買ってそれを着るのが好きだったんだけど、この生活では現地スタイルと、その外とリゾートで着る服のギャップが反動でどんどんエスカレートしていきそうで怖い。

Trip to Sin Island

ここマンハッタンは宗教上の理由で禁酒なのですが、ボートで１０分海を渡ればお酒の飲めるホテルがある！他の国連機関の女性に連れていってもらった。元々、お酒なんてほとんど飲まないし飲めないんだけど、ダメと言われると飲みたくなくなるもの。久しぶりにビール飲んだ。おいしかった。今日が週の始めなので１０時前には帰ってきたけどね。たまにはこんな息抜きも必要なんだろうな。

Got out of dry Manhattan and escaped to an island by a 10 min boat ride. One hotel serves alcohol there! A glass of beer at pool side is good occasionally.

マンハッタン散策

この街、首都の島、これから便宜上マンハッタンと呼ぶことにしましたので、悪しからず。Mの字しか一致してないけどね。週末の金土（言い慣れない）は街の散策とお家探し。お店がいつ閉まっていつ開くのがまだ把握できていないので、金曜日はスーパーが開くのを１時間近く待たなければいけなかった。レストランなんて４時まで開かないので、空腹と水分不足で倒れそうになったよ。スーパーにちゃんとした物が売っているのか、かなりのドキドキだったけど、ピーマンとかズッキーニの野菜やチーズ・ヨーグルトも売っていたので安心した。これだけでも週末の収穫と言えるかも。今のところはホームシックにもならず、元気にしているので御心配なく。あまりにも暇で、話す人もいないので、思わず隣のベンチに座っていたインド人のおじさんと世間話しちゃったけどね。家探しのことは詳しくまた後で書きます。

To make things easier and more fun, I have unilaterally decided to call this capital city island "manhattan" since both start with 'm' and I am going to find all the other similarities between these two places that I lived this year. Yes, I am very ambitious!

It is interesting to discover the city. I was really nervous yesterday. That was not because I was making a big presentation or going on a speedboat. I walked into a supermarket! I was warned about the lack of fresh produce and other luxury items in this country prior to coming here. Eating and cooking are one of the most important things in my life. I was very much relieved to see not a wide range but decent fruit and vegetables and cheese& yogurt on the shelf. Expensive but manageable. I also made a visit to a sleepy produce market where I found bananas, coconut, papaya and watermelon. I have to ask my family to send a stock of Japanese ingredient, but I think I could survive. To be honest I was quite scared about the life here and felt negative before coming. I am sure there will be different challenges ahead, but for now I remain positive and optimistic. I forgot that one of my good “cho-sho” was supposed to be flexibility and ability to adopt to a new environment. It is also all about perspectives. My Pakistani colleague made a comment how easy the life is here, being able to walk on her own etc compared to her country. Stares and occasional comments from guys on the street do annoy me, but I livd with worse in Guyana.

I spent the whole Friday alone. Shops are not open until 2:30. Walking around the city, I was on a verge of passing out being so dehydrated and hungry. Most of the restaurants only open at 4. Luckily, I found one restaurant in a nice hotel, which was about to close in 10 mins. They kindly let me in and stay for an hour until I finished easting. I was so bored while waiting for shops to open, and I struck a conversation with Indian businessman who was sitting on a bench next me. He imports vegetables and spices from India to this country.

Costs of living- expensive in general. Nicer hotels and restaurant even in the capital which is not so much touristic quote prices in USD. One dish can easily cost 10-15 dollars. Taxi is affordable. No matter how far you go on the island, it is a set price for about $1.3 though you cannot go that far on this Manhattan. Lunch at a local restaurant for tuna sandwich with french fries& mineral water was about $2.

I will write about apartment hunting later.

New Timetable

I have to get used to the new timetable in my new life; my weekend starts on Friday; shops close one to two hours throughout a day according to the prayer time, which I haven't figured out. I need to plan my days around that.

I worked the full day on the first day on Thursday. I was introduced to my colleagues, bought a sim card for my newly purchased phone (!), got an e-mail address and ID card and had a security briefing. Good progress, isn't it! Unfortunately, I was not given a private office as I hoped, but I will be sharing an office with another 3 people who all work for the same office. I don’t have an ocean view (the office seems as congested as the city and as I could see only three most senior people have their own room- lack of space everywhere in this country or at least in the capital.) but a kind of garden view of a courtyard. I can surely live with this. The most importantly, my immediate colleagues are very nice: Filipino lady, Pakistani intern and another national staff that I did not meet yet. I am yet to meet my big boss who is currently on paternity leave and another boss in the regional office in Delhi, India, as I have two reporting lines.

I am the only person in the office who work for this new UN agency that has been established since the beginning of this year for women’s empowerment and gender equality. There is lots of gender work to be done, and certainly a job is already cut out for me, which is good. On my very first day (when I planned to sneak out early....) I was given more than 40 resumes to review and create a short list. Next week, I will be in a series of consultation meetings in addition to more briefings. I look forward to getting busy and immersing myself in work. The UN is very small in this country, and in total there are only 11 expatriate staff.

I had lunch with Nepali international staff, who happened to be a friend of the landlady of the apartment in Katmandu. Such a small world! In the evening, I was invited to a dinner by UNICEF Rep and other colleagues and had wonderful crab curry and panacotta.

My focus now is to find an apartment as soon as possible. I will look at a couple of places this weekend. Wish me luck! Having a nice place is crucial in a place like this, where I will be spending lots of time by myself at home.

I was somehow misinformed about the office time. I read somewhere that the working hour is 7:30 to 3 without a lunch break. However, it turned out that it is a flex time between 8-9 and then you work till 4 or 5 with lunch break. Phew, I was not sure how I wold work the whole day without refueling...

買っちゃった

使いこなせないだろうけど、こんな出費はjustifyできないのだけど、ドーハの空港で買ってしまった。

Upgraded from my cheap phone to an i-phone..... finally trying to catch up with the technology. Impulsive shopping at Doha Airport.

Hello from Indian Ocean

I can hear the evening prayer from my hotel room..... yes, I have arrived. Surreal to take a boat from the airport to the capital city island. Really interesting, what kind of life await for me here in this country.

When I think about it, it is almost insane I moved here for one or two years without never being here! I have never thought of such a thing, but it is crazy.

I feel lost and miss my friends in Nepal, but the funny thing is that since I have left I already had three chats and two conversation on skype. So thankful to the technology, I feel "connected" all the time. I just said good-bye to my friends but in less than 24 hours we are already talking about my flight, what they are eating for dinner etc etc.

Tomorrow I will be going to the office to meet my new colleagues, do paper work and so forth. I am sure I have much more to report!

赴任地に到着しました。飛行機から見た海の青いこと青いことそして、珊瑚礁のターコイズの色がハッとするほど綺麗。上から高そうなリゾートもいっぱい見えた。泊まっているのはプールこそはないけど、タイレストランに付属しているブティクホテル。パッタイをお腹一杯食べて、ほとんど寝てないので（生まれて初めてビジネスクラスに乗ったのに！）今日は早めに寝ることにしよう。心細い気持ちを噛み締めながら。それにしてもこの気持ちは、どこにいってもいくつになっても同じだな。初めてカナダに留学した時も、YMCAのボロい部屋で不安でかつ手持ち無沙汰な気分を味わったな〜。ここの赴任国も住めば都になりますように。これは妹に電話で言われたこと。ではお休みなさい。

shopping spree

次の赴任地に移動することを口実に、お買い物三昧の週末。土曜は、ベルギー人の友人とランチをした後、日本人の友達と待ち合わせて、写真を撮りつつ街をブラブラ、そして買い物。日曜は有機野菜市場に行った後は、この街で私が一番お気に入りのチベット仏教のお寺に行きまた買い物.

今週末に買ったのは

• 花柄の模様のついた可愛いボール２つ、サラダを作るのにや、ホットケーキやお好み焼きのたねを混ぜるのに丁度良い。


• 
  
  ビーズマーケットでシルバー、ゴールドともう一色ネックレス。これはその場でぱぱっとお兄さんが作ってくれて、一つ１００円するかしないかという驚きのお値段！ここの国では原則既婚女性しか付けないけど、外国人なのでそのルールは免除。


• ウールのショール、これも道端のマーケットで、友達とお揃いで。これから南国に行くのになぜと言う気もするけど、きっと職場はクーラーきき過ぎで寒いはず


• 新ショウガ（すりおろしてハチミツにつけておくと飲み物や料理に使えて便利


• 本４冊、次の赴任地で一人の時間を有効に読書に費やすつもりで


• グレーのウィンドブレイカー、雨降りや、ビーチで活躍しそうな、ポケットから裏返していけば小さいポーチに入った形になる優れも


• 瞑想用の座布団二組、次の赴任地で、今年始めたにも関わらず、続かなかった瞑想を、もう一度トライ！

Such a productive weekend!! 散財したなーと思って計算してみたら、１万円も使ってませんでした。チベッタンチェストは、もうちょっと見てから決めることに。お値段のはるものはなかなか決断できない私．．．。

Re-living the emotions

One of the positive things about keeping this blog is that I can read past entries and remember how I was feeling back then. Of course, I do not write everything that happened in my life or how I feel, as something is too personal and I “censor” the content sometimes so that my family and friends do not worry too much. I was reading some entries from November- December 2008. This is precisely three years ago when I was getting ready to take the previous UN post in this country. I seemed to have wanted to postpone the departure, feeling nervous about moving and sad about saying good-byes. Very similar to how I am feeling. I even described it as “pulling off a bandage” to do this quickly and get over with the pain. Going through the same emotion and same thought patterns, I wonder if I haven’t grown since then, but then again it gives me some kind of assurance that “I felt that way, but, look, everything turned out all right or even better than all right at the end. So, you will manage this time, too. ” Luckily this time, my departure is not as traumatic as three years ago. I am not moving to the other side of the world; I will be almost in a same time zone (1 hour difference) in a more or less same region; I preliminarily plan to come back in February next year for a short visit; I could leave some stuff here etc; I have already worked with the UN and have a better idea of what it is going to be like.

There are certainly things that do worry me. I have never worked in a Muslim country before; the aid community is very small there, so there would not be many expats. I am not sure if there are many activities to do in the evening on the weekend on such a tiny island, which may seem trivial but is very important for me to maintain a good quality of life. But, I have to remember, I could have chosen to stay in NY and live there rather comfortably, but I opted for this- the excitement of a new country, learning different culture and being close to the “field” and feeling much more fulfilled with my work. So, there you go, I will have all that and tons of seafood and fish in addition, not to mention the beautiful beaches!

To-Do-List

About three weeks remains till the departure. A resignation letter was submitted. I am booked on a flight on 29th. I will be working until the last Friday before I leave, and I need to make a thorough to-do-list and start getting ready.

Things I need to do:
- Shopping (books, Tibetan chest, some scarves, cushion covers etc)
- Frame my photos
- Dentist appointment
- Go to massages as often as possible
- Exercise and get healthy
- Spend as much time as possible with friends
- Getting a cargo company to pack my stuff and ship
- Organize a party to invite people to say good-bye and thank them (maybe two: one work related and another friends only)
- If possible, another weekend trip where I can see mountains
Where do I start?
On the weekend, I crossed off `going to a movie theater` (even though it was in Hindi with no sub-title, managed to follow the story..) organized another dinner party.

新たな出発/ New Beginning

次の行き先が決まりました。インド洋に浮かぶ、スリランカのお隣のリゾートで有名な島国です。ここの国連オフィスで、プログラムスペシャリストとしてジェンダーの仕事。このポストは今年の５月頃公募され、NYにいたときに応募したもの。筆記試験と２度の面接を経てめでたく獲得！オファーが出るまで４ヶ月だったので、国連にしては早いほうかもね。赴任は１２月の頭の予定。

３年間いた慣れた今の国を離れるのは、正直寂しい。だからといって、ずっとここにもいられれないし、最近は飽和状態になりつつあるので、実際は潮時こもしれない。でも、また新しい土地でゼロから生活を立ち上げていかないといけないと思うと、気が遠くなるのも確か。ひとつの所に留まることもできないし、かと言って移動するのも大変。根無し草のエイドワーカーの悲しい運命。現状に甘えていることはできないし、変わっていかないことなんてないし、自分も変わっていかないといけない。日々チャレンジ！と自分を奮い立たせて頑張ってみるつもり。一体どんな国で、どんな新しい出会いがあるのだろう。不安に思うこともたくさんあるけど、前進あるのみ！

もしかしたらキャリア的にも転機になるかもしれない。開発業界でこつこつ経験を積んで、まだまだ未熟なんだけど、ここにきてようやく選ぶことが少し可能になった。NYで働いていた時に、勤務していた部署から実は仕事のオファーを頂いていた。でも仕事の内容や、グレード（国際公務員のレベル）がJPOの時と同じということもあり、条件的には比較にならないコンサルタントの仕事を選んで戻ってきた。周りにはもったいない！と言われたけど。今回は、今のコンサル契約をあと４ヶ月延ばして、ここに留まることもできた。でも、正規職員で希望していたレベルのポストだし、仕事内容も興味深かったので、オファーを受けることに決めた。今までは必死で働いて必死で仕事に応募して、選ぶ贅沢なんてなかったのだけど、選べるとなると、それはそれで難しい。今年は２回もこんなことで頭を悩ませて、疲れたよ。自分のやりたいことは何なのか、何を目指すのか、キャリヤやプライベートのことも含めて、考えて考えて日々模索。答えなんて簡単には出ないけど、そのプロセスが大事なのかもね。

今と同じジェンダーの仕事なんだけど、女性への暴力に特化した内容ではなくて、幅広く女性の政治や社会参画という新しいエリアに関われるようなので、専門性を多様化できるチャンスかもしれないので、頑張ろう。

I am moving to a new country. Islands in the Indian Ocean next to Sri Lanka, famous for its beautiful beach. Please look it up on a map! I am not going there for a holiday unfortunately. I got a new job! Programme Specialist focusing on gender, which I applied back in April this year. I am planning to start my new post at the beginning of December, given all paperwork is in place.

I am certainly sad to leave the country which I called home for the past three years. I have never stayed in one place for such a long time past 15 years! This was a real luxury, I found, to have this type of stability. I got used to the life here, have many wonderful friends, enjoy the work for the most part. Frankly speaking, I am little scared to let everything go. However, what I have now or had before do not remain the same. My friends are leaving; the office situation is not so good; there is not so much room to grow professionally anymore and I do need a new challenge. So,it is the right timing. This is the life of development worker that I chose.

I will be working for another UN agency to be responsible for gender programming of the UN in the country. I will be doing more than gender based violence, so it will be an excellent opportunity to diversify the focus of my work. More details to come...

Madagascar続き

こんな感じで１８日間の長い！と行く前には思ったお休みは、すぐに終わってしまった。帰りはバンコクに１泊して、デパ地下みたいなところで、日本食を買い込み、紀伊国屋で本を買い、今まで食べた中で一番美味しかったタイ料理を食べてきた！大満足の休暇でした。帰りたくないって思うかなと思いきや、日常もそろそろ恋しくなってきたので、丁度良い長さでした。

一人で飛行機に乗ってどこでも行くのに慣れていた私は、誰かと一緒って良いな〜ってつくづく思った。機内で到着地の現地時間がアナウンスされる時、いつも腕時計の時間を直すのを躊躇してしまう。なぜかと言うと、よくあるパターンは、去った場所に大事な人を残してきているので、その人のいる地域と同じ時間を刻んでいる時計の時間を、変えるのがとてつもなく寂しいから。もう同じタイムゾーンにいないことを否定したいようなそんな気持ち。今回何のためらいもなく時計の時間を変えた自分に気が付いて、それが何だか嬉しかった。

It was nice to have a compnay for traveling, though I am used to getting on a plane and going somewhere on my own. I normally hesitate to adjust my watch when the time of destination gets announced on a plane. I usually leave someone behind. I feel sad to change the time of the watch that is ticking the same time as him, as if I am in denial that I am no longer in a same zone. This time I caught myself immediately changing the time on my watch, and such little thing made me feel happy.

I got used to the luxury of spending 24/7 with my boyfriend during the trip. Now back in the country he works late every day, and I miss him, and that is the downside of the holiday.

Forest Lodge

ロッジの中のダイニングホール。食事はここで頂く。セルフサービスでコーヒーやクッキーもあるし、色々な種類のラム酒も！バニラとオレンジ味のラムが私のお気に入り。
熱帯低気圧にも負けず、良い働きを見せた私のてるてる坊主！
６日間の滞在の最期の３日は、お部屋がいっぱいだったため、特別に海岸にテントをはってもらい、そこで寝起きをした、テントの目の前はこんな感じ。夜、寝ていると耳の横で波の音がしているような気分になるほど。近くの村の人がたまーに通るくらいで、誰もいない贅沢なプライベートビーチ。寝そべって本を読んだり、ヨガをしたり。

Wait for the third wave

The second half of our trip was to the northeastern side of the island. This was the highlight of the holiday,

I have stayed in two eco-resort places in Guyana before, and they were both excellent. However, this place, Masoala Forest Lodge was superb. You can't ask for better settings. It consists of 6 tents, and the maximum capacity is only 12 people. It is located in a remote part of the Masoala National Park. There is a large dining hall in front of a beach. Photos will not do justice to describe the beauty of the place. Right next to the beach there is a pristine tropical rainforest, just exactly like their catch phrase “ ou la foret rencontre la mer."

Around this lodge there are two small eco lodges and a village with only 150 inhabitants. I could hear nothing but the waves of the ocean and birds& insects. A couple who manages the lodge are very warm south-african. It is as if we were staying in a relative’s home. For dinner, all the guests sit together around a large dining table, and it is a real family atmosphere. We got to chat with some lovely Swiss people and talk to the couple about Africa etc. Even for a short time, there is a sense of community and really special…

One of the best part of the stay here was the food. It was mostly seafood from this area, fresh fruit and for both dinner and lunch always came with dessert! For someone like me who always feel deprived of fish and seafood living in a landlocked country, it was like a dream!

It is absolutely a gorgeous place, well worth the 90 minutes really bumpy speedboat ride (the second time to confront my fear during this trip.) Two German ladies who were supposed to come to the lodge with us the same morning, saw the rough sea and were too scared to get on the boat. They must have lost their booking that is not so cheap…. I was certainly really scared. I had my arms and feet tightly crutched to whatever I can hold onto, and I was full of bruises when I got off.

In the lodge, if you wish, you can walk around the rainforest as long as you want (an official guide is assigned to each group). You can also do nothing, which we did for a few days out of the six days of our stay. You could swim, snorkel or get on a sea kayak and enjoy the sunset in the Indian Ocean.

Having endured the busy travel schedule the first half of the trip, we mostly took it easy. I was reading Paulo Coelho book that my good friend gave me as a birthday gift; my boyfriend who was so loyal to our (supposed to be) strictly French speaking vacation was reading Camus novel or looking seriously into his laptop with a headphone on, as he takes a distance education music production class.

After three days of on and off rain, I got a bit fed up and was longing for some sun, especially because I wanted to swim and snorkel. The weather forecast was not favorable, so I thought of something that I used to do when I was a kid. Before some school excursions or special events, I used to pray for sun by making a special doll and hung it near the window accompanied by a special song. The doll is called, teruteru bozu (sunny sunny boy/ monk …?). I created a make-shift version of that with a handkerchief and hung it in our tent. My boyfriend thought it looked like a voodoo doll to curse someone. Believe it our not, the weather gradually improved somehow.

It was still a bit gray with occasional rain, but we managed to do some snorkeling and sea kayaking. I tried for the first time sea kayaking, which was not what I would normally do. I was initially scared but finally I got used to it and loved it. We did it three times in total, and every time we went one notch higher and went further. When we were trying to re-enter the sea from a beach where a few large rocks made the waves higher, the host, Chris (manager of the lodge) told us “ Waves come in a set of three, so wait for the third wave and start paddling hard.” It was exhilarating.

When you sit on the sea-kayak (different from the river one where you put your legs inside the boat), you really feel like you become part of waves. Waves move underneath you, and it is such a wonderful feeling.

The third time we kayaked along a small river. It was so quiet and peaceful. On the way back we witnessed a small drama unfolding in front of us. A hawk stole a chick of parrots from their nest, and they (parents birds) were chasing the hawk, which was holding the chick. It was a rare sight and felt like a real time national geography or documentary.

It was challenging to re-enter the ocean from the river. Waves were quite strong. As instructed by Chris, we paddled really hard, managed the first wave and then got turned over and fell into the sea. I was totally soaked, but it was so cool!

On the kayak, we saw many silver flying fish jumping, a flock of tunas, birds diving into the sea trying to catch some fish. AMAZING!

Lemurs lemurs lemurs

Our poor guide Nico was trying so hard to find more animals in the forest, but by then two us were lemur-ed out and totally content to just walk around. They are really just like the Madagascar movie!

Sun setting in Mozanbique channel

インド洋に沈む夕日。真っ白なビーチがどこまでも広がる。モザンビークから吹く風を感じながら海岸を散歩。

Madagascar vol. 5

At the Kringy nature reserve, we must have seen about 10 different kinds of lemurs between night and morning walks. Couldn't keep track of them all! Some are nocturnal and others are active during the day. We saw some of mouse lemurs, the world smallest primates. All lemurs have big round eyes, log tail and really furry. Extremely cute! Some of them curiously look right at you and others look away avoiding the torchlight. We were amazed by the eyes our guide as to how he could find these creatures among branches.

Most tourists and, I am sure, all Japanese ones will wait around in the park to time their return back to Morondova with the sunset along the famous baobab trees. Being exhausted from the tight itinerary, we opted for going back immediately hoping to spend the afternoon on the white sand beach we saw on the first day in Morondova. We still made sure to make a stop on the baobab street and saw scared baobab and baobab ameroux (two trees intertwined) to take some photos.

Chez Maggie Guest House was a charming little place right on the beach. We had a two-floor bungalow, which had a wonderful ocean breeze. We had nice lunch and enjoyed a stroll on the beach looking at the channel between Madagascar and Mozambique. For the dinner we had gigantic crab with garlic butter sauce. That must have been less than five dollars. Unbelievable! It was fun to struggle with cracking the shells.

Everything was great until me and my boyfriend got into a near argument about anti-malarial pills. Somehow, such a basic precaution for any travelers to tropics totally escaped our mind when planning the trip. Having both worked in different malarial countries and being vaccinated against almost all possible vaccinable diseases, we got de-sensitized to this kind of health precautions. The second part of the trip was to the country’s most wet region, hence malaria would be a real risk. We got really paranoid, which almost ruined our second trip, but anyway it turned out that the area where we were going is too remote for malaria mosquitoes to fly and reach. We missed our first chance to have a real fight!

Baobab- can't have enough of your photos!

Flower of the tree

バオバオの木の写真はたくさんありすぎて、載せきれません！マラウイにいた頃のことを思い出しながら、がたがたのジープの旅。

Madagascar vol.3

The first week of the trip was quite hectic, more Japanese style of moving to different places every day. The part of the trip was coordinated by a hotel in Morondova, called Chez Maggie. The tour was organized for two of us and accompanied by a guide/driver.

After taking a hour-long flight (on time, impressive!) from Tana to Morondova and having lunch at the hotel, we drove along the famous baobab avenue and through a very dry landscape to reach the Tsyngy National Park for over eight hours.

On the first night, we made a stop at a small village on the way. It is a very simple hotel with no hot water, no door to the bathroom/toilet (just a curtain), just like a hotel where I would normally stay during field missions for work. We had no expectation for dinner at a such place. As we were tying to place an order for dinner, my boyfriend whispered to my ears “maybe we shouldn’t eat meat or seafood here…” There were no vegetarian options and we ordered an appetizer and main dishes. We call this kind of experience in Japanese “fooled by fox”. A waitress brought a beautifully served five-star hotel level dishes! We had crab salad with mayonnaise, fish with coconut flavored rice, a huge fresh water prawn called Gambo followed by chocolate crape. It was delicious and we were totally positively surprised. How would we expect such a wonderful meal in a guesthouse in a middle of dusty village!?

We got up at 4 the following morning (I never get up this early even for my work.. holiday is a hard work) to reach the park, which was supposed to be the highlight of this trip. We arrived in the park office and an official guide was assigned to us. I saw the guide grabbing what it appeared to be a safety harness. I was hoping that this was not meant for us. This is UNESCO World Heritage site, and it is basically a forest of black pointy rocks (pinnacles). I could also describe it as looking like what I would imagine as a kind of torture device in hell. On the contrary, it is a sacred place for the locals where their ancestors lived. We followed our guide through a forest and it suddenly opened up to a mount of rocks. Some rocks look hostile with very pointy tips like a blade. We walked through narrow passages between rocks, taking

ladders down the cracks of rocks. I started to break into cold sweat. I am afraid of height and I hate ladders! (ladders often featured in my nightmares) It got worse when we finally had to climb up the rocks. We attach two carabineers of the harness to metal wires pre-installed on rocks for safety. I was really scared but there was no turning back!

I realized that I again had no idea what I signed up for.. If I had done more research about the place, I may have not done it (remember my experience of white water rafting in Zambezi and wild Great Wall in China, which equally had the potential to kill me). The worst part was when I had to cross a shaky suspension bridge over these pinnacles, which should have been at least fifty meters off the ground. I was almost in tears and really had to calm down myself and just to focus ahead and never to look down!

The view from the observation point at the top was great. It was just at the midday when the sun was strong, so we couldn't stay for a long time. The view was worth confronting my fear of heights.

We saw some lemurs, mongoose and birds on the way back. There were some rocks with fossils which reminded us the the ancient history when this was in the ocean. We unfortunately missed out on some geological and cultural explanations, as it was all in French.

Fear

State of meditation....

Antananarivo

It took me a while to be able to say the name of the city! My first impression of Antananarivo (Tana) was that it is like a mixture of KTM, Sarajevo (Bosnia) and Georgetown (Guyana). It's hilly with many buildings in a nice colonial style architecture yet still bit chaotic. It is a cute little valley town, and the purple of Jacaranda trees was very vivid.

We stayed in the capital city in total for four nights: first night when we arrived, another night in-between the trips to east and west two last nights in Madagascar. For all four nights, we stayed in a very charming hotel called Sakamanga. All three rooms where we stayed were really tastefully decorated. The hallways have antiques and old photos, and it was like a museum. They also have a fantastic restaurant. Highly recommended!

まだがすかるまんきつ

旅行から無事に戻っています。週末に写真と旅行記をアップロードの予定。遊びすぎで、風邪気味。

いってきます！

Nobody guessed or sent in a guess of my vacation destination (hello is anyone there?), so no prize. Anyhow, I am off to a country, island, baobab trees, vanilla beans, ilanilan flowers, lemurs...



Madagascar!!


Yes, that Madagascar, the Disney movie Madagascar


It is kind of an odd choice as a holiday, probably. My boyfriend and I wanted to go somewhere francophone as we both are constantly studying and not studying French, somewhere warm, adventurous, not too touristy etc. Not many places fit this profile. A few options came up, either Tunisia or Madagascar, and many things considered, the verdict was Madagascar at the end. Flying via Bangkok, St. Denis (Reunion) et puis Antananarivo (capitale Madagascar). I have been brave (?) to book hotels and etc with my broken French.

マダガスカルに２週間、休暇で遊びに行ってきます。一体どんな所なのか！？想像がつかない。今年は最初のお休み。１０月１７日に戻ってきます。最近は仕事も忙しく地震や飛行機事故、自分のこれからのこと等、色々考えたり、不安なことが多かったので、のんびりしてきたい。フランス語も練習しつつ。帰ってきたらまた写真載せます！お楽しみに。

Je pratiquerai français quand on est la! Je m’attend que le voyage soit beaucoup des aventures ! On a préparé par une fois per semaine « le jour français » quand on doit perler seulement français. Apres beaucoup des recherches en ligne et avec lonly planet, tous hôtels sont réserves sauf que les derniers deux nuits, deux vols domestiques, un parc national, foret tropicale et plage!

Fragility of Lives

It feels like there has been a series of disasters this year. In Japan, earthquake, tsunami, nuclear disaster and huge typhoons. Here in this country, the earthquake a week ago and a plane crash that happened yesterday, which killed 19 people. Two of my colleague’s friends got killed in the earthquake, and a colleague from another UN agency died in the accident. It is hitting not quite home as I do not know them personally, but it is surely hitting close and my anxiety level is high. I keep thinking that I or my friends could have been on that plane yesterday (the same airline that I always fly with). Especially, I was waiting for someone to come back yesterday and he was supposed to fly with the same company in the same morning.

Quite recently, a girl, whom I knew in Guyana passed away. She was a fellow volunteer, a very nice girl. She died very quickly after being diagnosed with a disease.

Though we are resilient in difficult situations, human lives can be so fragile. We don’t know when our time comes. It almost feels that it’s a miracle that I am still alive. I should not get consumed by this anxiety but really need to live each day and each moment to the fullest.

Monsoon and Singing Bowl Bath

It rains so much this year. The monsoon season should be already over, but is still rains at the end of September.

Raining has some consequences:

No laundry (no dryer of course)

and

No hot shower (as water is heated by solar panels)

You have to be creative in a resource-poor (?) environment.

On a day when I desperately need to shower- meaning I haven't for two days or something, a singing bowl bath was invented.

This simply means boiling water and pouring it into a singing bowl and bathing with the water. This is only because I don't currently own a bucket. It is quite funny as I use another smaller bowl to scoop water, it makes such a nice bell sound. It makes me smile despite this not so glamourous situation.

早く雨が止んでスカッと晴れて欲しいものだ。ヒマラヤ山脈も綺麗に見えるだろうし。お湯も出たら最高！

I am alive

I am still alive and kicking... I am saying this not only because I haven't written anything on my blog but also because of the earthquake in the country (actually on the boarder with India where they have suffered more casualties).

A few people died in the city which include friends of one of my colleagues. We have been anticipating a massive and catastrophic one which is expected to be worse than the Haiti earthquake, so I was more frightened when it started.

Anyway, I am safe. This was not "the one" fortunately. It really makes me appreciate that I am still alive and I need to appreciate each day.

A lot happened since the last entry obviously, some positive life change, i turned 35, small weekend trip, monitoring mission, 4 day long workshop, new work possibility on a horizon etc etc, which hopefully I will write about in coming days.

I am going on a major holiday next week for 2.5 weeks. I am really excited as this will be my first real vacation this year. I haven't gone anywhere this year (life of consultant without no leave days.... and NY doesn't count since it was work!) You will hear more about the trip soon! No one can guess where I am going probably. I will send you a special gift if you get it right.

衝動買い

There is always the first time for everything. This time it was to buy a art work. I walked by a small gallery near where I live now. It was a tiny exhibition of one Japanese artist who resides in this country and another local artist. There were about 15 pieces of paintings mostly.

Living this lifestyle of moving so often to different parts of the world makes you think twice before buying things especially, heavy or big items that do not fit in your suitcase. Me and my girl friend often talk about how we see nice pieces of furniture etc but give up purchasing them, because we don't have a permanent place to live.

This time, I decided. I wanted it. I can't stop living my life- well a bit exaggerated since buying things is not only life- but i don't want to give up things only because I don't know where I will end up in six months.

I have bought a painting not so expensive of chillies - one of my favorite motifs along with leaf and lotus flower, "featured" often in my photos. I look forward to having it (still at the gallery until then end) and hanging it in my kitchen wherever I go next.

I met the artist, really nice woman. I sympathize with her for finding beauty in plants and in everyday things and listening to their "voices".

I will upload the photo!

Beauty in everyday life

日常の中で出会うハッとするぐらい綺麗な景色や物達。

週末旅行でタクシーを待っていた道端のお店にて。

マンゴージュースを飲みつつ、お店のおばさんと歓談。

Good-bye to my grandmother

I was in Japan for five days, as my paternal grandmother passed away. Unfortunately I did not make it to the funeral but managed to go to her house and said good-bye.

She was an amazing woman and I have many many nice memories of her. I wish I had more time to talk with her when she was well.

May she rest in peace, I am sure that she has now re-joined my grandfather on the other side and is watching over us.

Lotus flower from the Lake Biwa taken during my trip

Back in the game -on a field mission

出張で東部の平野のジャナクプールという街に来ています。現地人の上司とパートナーの国連機関の同僚と３人で。ここにくるのは２度目です。

今日は夕方に到着し、のんびりとこちらの有名なヒンズー教のお寺にお参りし、その後腕輪（バングル）ショッピングの女子３人。どこの国でも、女性はキラキラしたきれいなものが好きなのです。私もピンクのと白地に赤い模様入りのとか数種類購入。

夕食を食べて、さっきリクシャーで帰ってきた。上司の提案で３人ともマサラコーラ（マサラはスパイスという意味）を頼んでみたら、一口でダメなお味でした。皆、２度と頼まないと言ってた。ビリヤニライスとカレーは美味しかったけどね。

出張の目的は、担当している性暴力のプロジェクトのモニタリング。去年の１１月に、パイロットキャンプを見て以来です。８月の１週目に、中間報告を兼ねた戦略会議を２日間予定しているので、プロジェクトマネージャーとしては、それまでに一度は見ておかなければと思い、急きょ予定したのです。

明日は早起きで、村で一日移動キャンプを見学。翌日は夕方のフライトまで、私が前まで担当していたプロジェクトのモニタリングを予定しています。

平野部はムシムシしていて暑い！ばてないようにしなければ。

今日の一番の驚き―　２年以上いて何度も国内出張しているけど、初めて時間通りにフライトが飛んだこと！有り得ないよ。いつも通りにギリギリにいったら乗り遅れるところだった。あぶないあぶない

Cooking Lesson

This weekend, I had an opportunity to take a cooking lesson of local (NPL) dishes. A friend of mine has a language teacher who also offered to teach the local cuisine. With another friend, in total three japanese girls endeavored to learn how to make different curry dishes.

When you think about "curry", you will probably imagine very creamy kind like butter chicken etc. However, the local dishes here are a bit more simple.

Our "teacher" so easily made in total 6 dishes!

• Dal soup


• Sesame flavored potato achar - achar is like a pickle but not quite it is usually not cooked but mixed with spices


• Edamame beans achar (I don't know Edamame in English...)


• Cucumber achar


• Bitter melon and potato curry


• Okra curry

And she also offer chicken curry and fried something (mini cucumber type vegetable, crispy skin but inside is like zucchini. I don't think there is English word for this!) that she made previously.

This lady is amazingly fluent in Japanese having studied (PhD in education) in Japan for a few years. We had so much fun chatting in Japanese and eating the delicious food. Something like this is really one of the precious moments of living in this country!

I already tried one recipe of cucumber achar and modified it with black sesame powder....

Result?

Was good but not as good as hers

Yes, I can't measure up to the local chef.

Back to my KTM Life

ご無沙汰しています。赴任地に戻って、バタバタしていて、更新する暇がなかったのです。

久しぶり（６ヶ月）に戻ったオフィスは、何だか前より、雰囲気がわるーくなっている。また、仲の良い同僚が一人辞めることになっちゃったりして。

正直、先行き不安な事務所です。私は、なるべく余計なことに気を使わず、仕事に専念するのみ。幸い、今のところ、新入り（？）ということもあって、そんなに忙しくないので、毎日定時に帰っている。新しくできたヨガセンターにも通い始めて、そこでパワーヨガなるものをやっている。NYの不健康な生活を正す為にも、なるべく自炊でリラックスを心がけることにしている。取り敢えず住むところも決まったしね。

コンサルタント契約なので、日給（日払いじゃないよ！）で、有給休暇がないのが辛いところだけど、週末で楽しめるものは楽しもう！と思っている。

どこか旅行に行きたいけどな〜。

Back in the country

I have been back since Thursday and it is my third day back at the office. I am slowly getting rid of my jet lag and getting back into my new old job! So happy to see my friends. It is in the middle of monsoon right now, and it has been consistently raining. Humid and sticky but nice to sleep to the sound of rain at night. Just letting you know that I am fine in haste.

Leaving NYC Tomorrow

My three months and a bit in NYC is coming to an end. It was so quick. I am working a full day tomorrow and leaving on a very late flight.

I am 80% packed and most of items on the to do list have been crossed out, such as hair-cut, pedicure, Japanese food grocery shopping, under-wear, espresso maker, toiletry, cosmetics etc etc.

There's a lot that I want to write but I am tired. I am going to bed early as I have to get up early to do one final laundry (unfortunately not at a laundromat anymore, since I moved to a nice building with all the facilities. )

Let's see what adventure will await for me back in the country. In the meantime, I hope I have a nice last day at work.

Photo: Brooklyn bridge

ラストスパート

先週末に、留守中のお友達のアパートに引っ越し。仕事も大詰めで、持って帰る荷物のことや、はたまた違う仕事の面接（プラス３時間の筆記試験お〜の〜）が入ったりして、今週は疲労している。

まだまだ帰る前に、あと一つコンサートに行き、髪も切りたいし、人と会う約束もあるし、借りている村上春樹の長編も読み切らないといけないし、お買い物もしなきゃで目が回っている。

早く飛行機に乗って寝たい！と正直思ってしまう。

今晩は、大好物の飲茶（夕ご飯になんて邪道だけど、NYはさすがに一日中やっている店があるのさ）と更に大好きな海鮮固焼きそばを食べ、違うお店で豆腐デザートまで食した。明日はお寿司。食べ過ぎか？　

Racing with time

I have been working crazy crazy day& night and weekends to finish up my main "deliverable" (such a development term isn't it?). Believe it or not, I do enjoy writing this document with my very poor English writing skills. This particular component of work is quite interesting. This is what I did not get to do at all with my past job with the other UN agency in the field. I enjoy reading about different issues, researching and writing. I could hear my dying brain cells moving and wrinkles expand and shrink (this may be a Japanese expression). I feel like I am back in school writing a thesis, but it is nice to think about theoretical stuff , such as what women's empowerment means and how to measure it!

To be honest, I am a bit scared of getting feedback from another section of the agency whether this is to their satisfaction and if I will make the deadline, which is my flight. However, when this is done, it is going to be printed and distributed to many countries in the world, and this is such a honor to work on things like this. I need all your fingers crossed for this, so that I don't get a bad reputation leaving an incomplete product.

備忘録

More movies that I watched recently:

Midnight in Paris

Blue Valentine

Somewhere

Rabbit Hole

Tony Taketani

Inside Job

Cote d'Azur

The Other Woman

Science of sleep

Tree of Life

Play

Normal Heart

２ドルのヨロコビ

シュークリーム大好き。職場の行き帰りに毎日通るシュークリーム屋さん。日本人のパテシエの人が作っていてカスタードがすごく美味☆

Here I go again

Belatedly, my next six months plan became more or less clear, and I think everybody knows what this means by now. Yes, I got the job and going back in three weeks. Frankly I am exhausted from all waiting, thinking, choosing, and negotiating. It is great to have options in life and I think it is all "trial and error" process. It is exciting but tiring. Comparing pros and cons, finally I needed to follow my heart and take chances and risks that the life presents.

I told my current supervisor today that I will not be continuing with them. I felt extremely bad as if I am abandoning them. I know I can't make everyone happy and I need to put myself as a priority, but it is still hard. Already another round of farewells is planned (didn't I have farewells just a few months ago!?) I have a big task to complete before I leave. I feel a bit relieved that now may date is fixed, but no time to relax!

Coming here was my new year's resolution, and I now know how it is to work at the HQ. I will write more reflections on this experience when I am done with the assignment. One thing for sure is that I am really grateful for the experience.

I am excited to go back. My friends are all waiting, and as much as I complained about my previous work, well everyone complains right? ;) I enjoy working there in the field. It is crazy for me to leave the nice life in NYC and go back to traffic, eternal dog barking and power outages, but after all I do feel at home there.

Anyway, my extended shopping trip (this is how my friends called my 3 month consultancy before leaving for NY) is coming to an end.

Joy of laundry

When I tried to convey how expensive everything is in NY, I always quote the price of single washing in a laundromat. It is 4$ for a use of a laundry machine and 25 cents every six minutes of a dryer (last a few minutes of drying cycle is cool-down, so I feel like I get ripped off for this!). Despite the complaint, I actually like going there. Yes, what a difference between having someone wash my stuff, iron and even put into my closet (few months ago, I had a such bourgeois life shamefully) and dragging a huge bag of clothes with a bottle of detergent like a student.

There is some kind of comforting feeling about it. I usually bring a book and my i-pod, but sometimes I just stand there and admire all laundry machines and dryers turning and turning, looking at bubbles and my clothes flying around in a huge dryer. I watch the laundry and feel a sense of “awe” because of many machines working at a same time like a factory, but also I feel like I can see people’s life in clothes that people are washing. I watch others and what they are washing, guessing and wondering what they do for a living etc. There is something more than that, which makes me feel happy, and I can’t explain what it is. Maybe, it is also joy of simple work.

The other day, I was helping my colleague to prepare for a meeting by photocopying and stapling documents. I told her I enjoy the mechanical work using my hands taking a break from our "intellectual work". We just think, analyze, strategize, write, negotiate, coordinate and organize things all day for 8 hours! And at the end of a day, we don’t really see a “result” as such (we would like to believe that we do!).

Just in case you are wondering...

I still have no news whatsoever about my plan for the next little while, still no news about that job, still no 100% assurance about the extension of my current contract, had another job interview since then, and another possibility on a horizon.... I say every day to everyone who asks me "yes, I should be finding out in the next few days" for the past few weeks. How do I stay sane in this uncertainty?

My current job is finishing in two weeks!

盛りだくさんの週末

Pedicure- Shopping in Soho- Museum of Modern Art- Broadway play- walk in Central Park- Venezuelan dinner- coffee and pain au chocolat in a French cafe- Sushi- Spanish wine bar- pizza- grocery shopping in an organic food supermarket- chatting until late at night

All in two and a half days! Isn't it amazing??

I bought a beautiful skirt (very dramatic one- quarter of an original price) and a cute mug cup.

We went to a same brunch restaurant as two years ago, and food was as great!

あー楽しかった！

ゆうじんきたる

今晩、トロントからヘレンがやってくる。１年前に赴任国で会って以来。ガーリーウィーケンドに期待！

My friend Helen is arriving from Toronto tonight. I haven't seen her since when she came to visit me a year ago. Can't wait to see her!!

How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

の話でおなじみ（？）のカーネギーホールでベートーベンの交響曲第五番を聞いてきた。モントリオール交響楽団の指揮者のKento Naganoさんはどこまでも渋くて、生の運命は最高で感動だった。やっぱり、オーケストラはいいなあ。本当にベートーベンて天才だな。アンコールで演奏のハープのシシリアーニもとても美して、涙が出てきそうだった。

大学生の頃はよくクラシックのコンサートに行っていたけど、カナダでは滅多に行かなかったし（お金がなかったから、多分）。NYでは簡単に行けるのがすごく嬉しい。

とてもプロダクティブな週末。小説２冊読みと映画も２本DVDで見た。（お洗濯とついでにサンダルも購入！）

途上国にいた２年間を取り戻すために頑張って映画を見ている。最近見たのは

Precious

I love you, Philip Morris

Makioka sisters （細雪）

Boudras

Cave of forgotten dreams

Ricky

Let it Rain

148 hours

Last train home

Fish Tank

Parking Lot

Conviction

City Island

Milk of Sorrow

Tokyo Sonata 東京ソナタ

Grizzly man

追伸 Dream Therapy

Post script to the memory lane entry

Last night I had a dream where my ex-boyfriend called me to say happy birthday (in french...?). I was very calm and told him that there was no need to call me and he can now forget the whole thing and go. I was rather nice to him but still did not say "I forgive you now".

Quite an improvement compared to routine nightmares, though interesting that I still did not bring myself to say the "f" word.

Anyway, my birthday is not until September.

More photos from the botanical garden

I actually like these ones better than just regular pretty flower shots.

Images de NYC

Cherry Blossom at Brooklyn Botanical Garden

今週末はお天気も良かったの橋の向こうのブルックリン植物園まで地下鉄に乗って、桜を見に行ってきた。散り始めだったけど、とても綺麗でした。

日本の桜の季節にはなかなか帰れないので、満足でした。スケールが違うけどね。

桜以外にも、チューリップ、藤などが見頃。

誘った友達が体調が悪くて一人で行ったので、もっぱら写真撮影でした。今度はお弁当を持ってきてピクニックしたら気持ち良さそう。

この後、お隣の美術館も見学して帰りました。

New summer dress!!

NYでブルックリンインダストリーズというお店を、友達に教えてもらって、見に行ってみました。あまりにも可愛くて衝動買いしてしまったワンピース。他にも良い物があったけど我慢。NYってすべての物が高いから、普通の値段（私の低いスタンダードでは）の洋服をみると、お手頃と感じちゃう。危ない危ない。普段、職場ではオフィス服なので、週末は週末にしか着れないお洋服がなぜだか欲しくなる。黄色いTシャツとかね。

http://www.brooklynindustries.com/women_dresses-and-skirts/

Trip Down to Memory Lane and much much more

On the Easter weekend, I went to Montreal after almost two and a half years. My main objective of course was to see my friends that I have missed! It was only one hour by plane.

It was absolutely great to see my very close friends, some that I closely kept in touch with (meaning talk to each other every two weeks) or others hardly. But, it doesn't matter, as I know that they are always there for me, and hopefully they know that I am always there for them too. We had so much catching up to do and I talked almost non stop. On Saturday, I spent 5 hours, not consecutively, in Starbucks (yes very original isn't it?) just talking talking and talking and still not enough talking!!

It was such a strange feeling to be back in Montreal. This is a city where I lived for over three years in three different times. It is a city full of better sweet memories. It kind of evokes some sense of insecurity and confusion, as I spent some of the most difficult and challenging time of my life so far. First, I was totally lost, being fresh out of Japan, keeping up with the school, languages etc, then struggling to raise my grades to be accepted to a graduate program while living on $500 a month. When I came back to work there in the language school, I dealt with the immigration problem and finding a job in my field. Then it was finally a place where I said good-bye to the boyfriend that I spent long seven years with. These are some (almost all) of my darkest times so far. Every street, every corner and every metro station has a story, and the central theme of course is my ex.

Something really strange happened. Well, this is not kind of thing I should write publicly but I will anyway. One of my closest friend told me the following: in summary

My ex-boy friend one day showed up at a day care where she works, with his child and wife (!). As she being such a loyal friend to me, she was unhappy and upset to see him. She never wanted to see him or talk to him. He requested to have a chat with her privately. They spoke for about one hour and he told her "his version" of what has happened. He was basically breaking down with tears (!!!) explaining what he was thinking, why he broke up, how he ended up marrying a woman that he was seeing while he was with me (!) etc etc.

Not sure whether he was justifying what he did or did not do, but I do not really care at this point, whose fault it was etc etc. I was completely completely shocked to hear that he was crying. Dude, it had been four years (since then at that time). Why are you crying in front of my friend?! I suddenly felt so pitiful. This guy is so hopeless. No wonder he sent me a message on my last birthday, if he is still like this.

What are odds of him coming to my friend's day care centre among so many in the city? I am just amazed. Is it some kind of a sign or message for me?? Am I ready to say "I forgive you"? I still have occasional nightmares about him finally infrequently now. I didn't think I harbor that much negativity about this, but I have never thought that I will ever say I forgive you. It was always more like "I really don't care about you. Yo don't exist in my world as you are so insignificant in my life." (wow, this sounds quite angry!!) Would I free myself, if I say "I forgive you" from the trauma? Shouldn't I be compassionate towards this individual, who quite frankly speaking, is pitiful and pathetic?

I don't have answers, but I am thinking. I don't know what that means to forgive him.

I think, at this point, and especially after I heard this story, I want to forgive him. Because I do not gain anything by not forgiving him and it seems there is a better prospect of forgiving him. He should also be freed from his sense of "guilt". He must have already suffered enough, and he can walk away now. This is just too sad. I can't describe it. What happened was now so distant, yet the wound can be so deep for both of us. It is really sad.

................. so, what do you think?

Opera

途上国にいたので、こういう文化行事（？）に飢えていた私はミュージカルや美術館にせっせと、今のうちにと思って通っている。
Went to see an opera for the first time in my life. Enjoying the ambiance of the hall and dressing up for it is also part of the whole experience, not to mention the great cultural experience. Saw a german opera, called Wozzeck. A completely depressing story where two people die but was beautiful. I am shamelessly uploading these photos that I took before I was told I can't! (I took it after the show without flash.. )